Sunday, June 24, 2018

What Your Adult Bully Doesn't Want You To Know About You (Part 2)


We have been discussing how it is not easy to be a bully.  As the last weeks have progressed and we have experienced more and more of the hostility of a bully, we have found that a bully doesn't want to be bullied.  Often they bully so they won't be bullied and choosing what seems to be the weakest.   Of course, the fear of a bully is meeting her match.  For many months, I was told to ignore this particular bully but she was insistent.  What if the person she picks on decides to fight back or make her look bad?  This is why she often has an entourage; a support group to encourage and be miserable with.  I had to laugh just today at the comments made.  When my blogs are read, and maybe the truth hurts, retaliation with innuendos and falsehoods are generated.  I have a friend that is dealing with her bully so my blogs are about adult bullies in general no one in particular.  

One interesting aspect of an adult bully is that they are actually being bullied themselves somewhere in their own worlds.  Maybe a parent, a sibling, a child, or other people they interact with on a regular basis.  I love that my negative information is first and foremost because it shows the personality of the adult bully and her obvious signs of causing me distress.  The claim of being a moral and good person is washed down the drain with the courts orders of obvious violation are of her own doing.  You cannot point fingers without the expectation of fingers being pointed back if you are committing the same crimes.  The same is happening with my good friend.  How sad the past sins out shadow the good that she has done all of these years.

Bullies are afraid of a lot of things.  They are afraid of being deserted by their peers.  They are afraid that persons will learn that they are not perfect, they are not as strong as they act, and that I will find out about it.  You can't steal from an elderly man, lie about it, and then point out the sins of another person, and hope that they do not find out about it.  Obviously, bullies deal with personal issues that are painful.  This does not given them reason to behave the way that they do.   Our bully needs our prayers and understanding.  It may be a hard thing to do, but as my friend said, "it gives us peace and strength".  How true is this?!

My adult bully mentioned that she is HAPPY and that it puts a SMILE on her face that my sins are exposed to the world.  WOW, this gives great understanding to how her mind works and how she must view the world.   What would you think about this?  I know how I feel because ..

I ride the dark horse ..



Thursday, June 14, 2018

What Your Bully Doesn't Want You To Know About YOU ..


You may not have heard alot about Adult Bullying, but it is becoming a serious problem.  If you have kept up with my blogs, you have read some of my experiences with my woman adult bully.  Yes, an adult, and should know better.  One thing to remember is that as people mature and progress through life, they learn to stop such behaviors in their youth.  Sadly, some adult bullies are just children bullies who have grown up.  While adults are more likely to use verbal bullying as opposed to physical bullying, it is still adult bullying just the same!

Our Adult Bully has been a blessing to us!  It is surprising what makes her "tick".  And I have learned a few secrets about her that have helped us understand her sadness and loneliness.  Other emotional issues are involved but it should never be an absolute excuse for cruelty and bad behavior towards others.  It is like keeping your dog on a chain and enticing it to freedom!

Remember, it is not easy being a bully!  This is so true!  Just imagine the minutes, hours, weeks, and years to maintain the status as a bully.  For more than 6 years, she has had to continue in her ambition of being a bully.  It has to be a full-time job which makes sense because she cannot work in the private sector or refuses to do so.  

An adult bully is desperately unhappy!  Anyone who is truly happy would never have the desire to hurt others.  Only unhappy people take their frustrations on other people.  Only unhappy people are mean, they are miserable, and they want others to feel the same way.

An adult bully is insecure!  There is a myth that bullies have superior attitude.  It goes deeper; they are feelings of insecurity and low self-esteem.  Bullies need to pick on others to deflect their own feelings of inadequacy and weakness.

An adult bully is envious of their victim!  There is something that a bully wants.  For my bully, it was another man.  One that deceived and degraded her but lied about doing such things.  He cheated on his wife with others and the bully as well but she never once called him publicly on his mistakes.  It was all about me!  Of course, even married to another man, she claims to have on ongoing relationship with him which makes her, what!!  The same type of person he is but maybe that is why they were attracted in the first place.  It could be that the victim is prettier, smarter, or the bully's crush likes the victim!  Ha!  Maybe the victim is just more confident in her own skin and it is something that the bully wishes to be.  The bully is jealous of such confidence and wants to destroy it or cause humiliation of the victim among the masses.  In the end, the bully becomes the one pained and destroyed as she is found out among the lies and cruelty.

An adult bully is not strong!  Most bullies surround themselves with others because strength is needed in numbers.  If those persons desert the bully, she will lose her strength.  She needs an army to hide behind and do her dirty work for her.  Isn't that the meaning of coward  because ..


I ride the dark horse .. 




Copyright © 2018 by CandaLeeParker.com
IRideTheDarkHorse.com
All rights reserved. This blog or any portion thereof may not be printed, copied, reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review or similar cited with author's name and copyright.






Sunday, June 10, 2018

Taking Precautions ..


There is a story that goes .. A man saw a snake being burned to death and decided to take it out of the fire. When he did, the snake bit him causing excruciating pain. The man dropped the snake, and the reptile fell right back into the fire. So, the man grabbed a metal pole took the snake out of the fire and saved its life. Someone who was watching approached the man and said:

“That snake bit you. Why are you still trying to save it?”

The man replied,
“The nature of the snake is to bite, but that's not gonna change my nature, which is to help.”
Moral of the Story:  Do not change your nature simply because someone harms you. Do not lose your good heart, only learn to take precautions.
When it comes to being bullied, the same kind of care is applied.  I have survived the worst of the worst; our bully called and wrote our employment, wrote our family members, publicly humiliated via the internet, built website after website, and taunted and teased that we would never take legal action.  Her stories became exaggerated and cruel.  We have been and still are bitten many times and yet we persevere.  Yet, we carry on .. And we are better for the adventure.
Yes, we call it an adventure because it has become a good experience.  With each new telephone call, with each new email, we are assisting others working through the same experiences.  
What causes a person to be intentionally cruel?  Is it carelessness?  A genetic predisposition involving a lack of empathy?  A lack of proper nurturing? A culturally indoctrinated tendency?  In my search for answers to the toughest of philosophical questions, I find myself enlightened in unusual ways and often by the most unexpected people; one being a close family member of our bully who shared that we are not the only persons that she has been fixated on ruin. 
If a child is born into an abusive life and learns nothing but abuse, pain, fear, and intimidation, they will be conditioned to think that this type of feeling is normal.  They could feel an even deeper conditioning based on the biological and social need to connect with others to share what they have experienced.  If the connection is created in a chaotic mind, it will present itself in a chaotic or harmful way.  This is why the research is key in understanding the mind of our woman bully.  
Our choice is not retaliation but to keep the perspective of love in our hearts.  This can be difficult at times but we have found it to be rewarding.  After all, "It's better to light one candle than to curse the darkness".  And I know this because ..
I ride the dark horse ..


Copyright © 2018 by CandaLeeParker.com
IRideTheDarkHorse.com
All rights reserved. This blog or any portion thereof may not be printed, copied, reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review or similar cited with author's name and copyright.



Friday, June 8, 2018

Defining Love ..


The past few days have been crazy days.  My poor husband has been up and down and down again in his health.  Between an ER and doctor visit, it has been busy.  These are the type of days that can be discouraging.  Whether it is a negative coworker, an exhausting friendship, or a challenging family member, there are times when we just want to give up on people and feel as though all of our love and patience has run out.  My husband did not fall into this category of discouragement and despair, but there were a few others that did.  There is that obstacle of loving people who are hard to love.  I believe in these circumstances we need to be reminded of the truth, of the reality that we have access to a love that is always giving, selfless, real, and true.

Our ability to love is a heart issue.  We have to realize that there are times that we may have the completely wrong definition of love.  To have true love is action, it takes courage and vulnerability.  It is a giving rather than a taking.  Being a caretaker is a great example of this.  Most days, all of my strength and effort goes into taking care of my husband.  Sometimes it can be a bit much as I have responsibilities of employment, home, and surroundings.  Summer is busy with gardens and fields and animals.  There are days that sleep is an after thought.  And yet, I would not trade my world for any other.  We have to be careful that we are not loving out of our own strength because it ends in selfishness and bitterness because we are trying to get something out of giving love and if we don't get anything in return, we are resentful.

What makes a person hard to love?  Is it the way that they treat you or others around you?  Is it the way that they conduct their business or work?  Is it that their words cut so deep or the way that they gossip about people you love?  Sometimes the way we see others is not out of love and so it is difficult to love them.  Sometimes we do not understand why people are the way they are and play the victim instead of trying to know them better in a deeper way, understanding challenges they have faced and what they have gone through enough to make them act in the ways that they do.  Everybody is responsible for their own actions and choices but we have the ability to be patient with others and realize with some people are left with scars in their lives that affect them on a day-to-day basis.

If you try to love people out of your feelings for them, it will result in inconsistency because feelings change and people do things that frustrate and offend us.  When we have the mindset that giving is far better than receiving, we will love selflessly and well because ..

I ride the dark horse ..


Copyright © 2018 by CandaLeeParker.com
IRideTheDarkHorse.com
All rights reserved. This blog or any portion thereof may not be printed, copied, reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review or similar cited with author's name and copyright.







Wednesday, June 6, 2018

Becoming the Entire Sky ..


Today I was "counting my blessings" and writing them down in my gratitude journal.  I do this about 4:30am and before starting the chores.  It is true that happy people choose to focus on the positive parts of their lives.  I set specific reason to be grateful.  One day, after I am gone, my children will read the journals and rejoice, that even in the times that were hard, Mom always was grateful for the blessings, no matter how small.

I think one of the most important aspects to choosing happiness is your smile.  Smiling is infectious.  More than that, it is a known fact that making a smiley face carries influence over feelings.  Today was a good day to smile; it is a good doctor's report for my husband. So I am programming my self to experience happiness by making a commitment to smile.  And, today, walking around the grocery store, I had people smile back!

Self-talk is important in the gratitude process.  Daily affirmations can become your best friend.  After all, affirmations are positive thoughts accompanied by affirmative beliefs and personal statements of truth.  They are recited in the first person and in the present tense.  When affirmations are used on a daily basis, they can release stress, build confidence and self-worthiness, and improve our outlook on life.  This can even assist in dealing with unreasonable persons that might want to spoil our days!  I am a morning person; I wake early and start the day by establishing empowering, meaningful, and incredible morning routines.  I start each day on my own terms!

How do you count your blessings?  Make it a great day!  I will because ..

I ride the dark horse ..




Copyright © 2018 by CandaLeeParker.com
IRideTheDarkHorse.com
All rights reserved. This blog or any portion thereof may not be printed, copied, reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review or similar cited with author's name and copyright.

#candaleeparker  #candidcanda  #candalee  #cyberbullyattack #speakoutagainstbullying

Monday, June 4, 2018

Healing From An Adult Bully ..


We spent the day interviewing with a journalist from CBS.  We will be featured in a special documentary in regards to adults and cyber bullying.  This is becoming more and more an issue in today's social media climate.  As we began to discuss the events that have unfolded over the years, we understand more of what we have gone through and wrote down a few ideas for healing.

We have come to not blame ourselves for the attack upon us.  We should never feel ashamed of being the victim of any kind of bullying.  Always remember that it was not our fault.  The bully took it upon herself to cause damage.  No matter what she does or says, I am not ashamed of who I am.

An important part of healing from a cyber bully is to be patient with myself.  Healing is an undertaking and everyone recovers in their own time.  I have to remember to allow myself time and space and to feel all of my emotions; grief, anger, or frustration.  It has become important to strengthen my own self-worth.  Meditation and daily self talk is a must!  As I travel through my day, I tell myself things that are positive and motivating.

Every day, I do something that relaxes me.  I engage in activities that I love and gives me a feeling of freedom and forgiveness.   Horseback riding, crocheting,  playing with my dogs, and yard work are things that I enjoy the most.

My husband and I have a had a great support system in talking about what we have been doing through and still going through.  We have another lawsuit soon to come to the surface and the hurts of the past will once more be irritated.  Continuing to talk to our support system assists with the healing process and keeps us connected and not feeling alone.  Our community boosts our self esteem and gives listening ear.  As we work through the "forgive", we know to not forget so not to allow such abuse to us again.

Forgiving a cyber bully that caused such damage in our lives is always easier said then done.  Learning how to forgive our bully will greatly  help our ability to heal and move forward with confidence.  Remember, the bully is only as strong as you give power to.  Choosing to ignore the taunts and the rants, I am empowering myself.  Cyber bullying is not the norm and should be expected or feared.

Cyber bullying can happen to anyone, no matter their age, gender, or circumstances.  It is important to learn about cyber bullying.  You can do this through online articles, books, seminars, and interest groups.  Learn how it affects people, even those who are confirmed bullies.  Don't let a narrow-minded bully make you feel alone and isolated.  There are others that are going through the same thing as you are.

GET INVOLVED and SPEAK OUT AGAINST BULLYING.  I know that others have experienced what I have and even with the same adult bully woman.  I have the ability to aid and empower them.  I have gotten involved in my community anti-bullying efforts and with legislation in my own state.  I am sharing my story because I am no longer a victim but a teacher.  I have overcome my bully and putting her where she needs to be.  Expelled!

If you would like further assistance or resources, please contact me at candalee@candaleeparker.com!  Let's end bullying!


Copyright © 2018 by CandaLeeParker.com
IRideTheDarkHorse.com
All rights reserved. This blog or any portion thereof may not be printed, copied, reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review or similar cited with author's name and copyright.

Friday, June 1, 2018

To Be Beautiful ..

A large packet was delivered to us and within its pages, a life revealed.  Of course, it gave closure.  What I have been accused of, she had done before me, and she has done horrible things that I have never done.  It is true that we all have skeletons and that they can be revealed at any time.  What is different between her and I is that I will not post them for public view to embarrass or humiliate.   This is the difference between being beautiful and being a bully.

This morning was a morning filled with smiles and laughter.  Wonderful women who have made sacrifices, lost husbands, lost children, and survived great trials.   And still smiling.  And still laughing.  Because each moment is seen in beauty.  Today, I treasure those moments and they became an example to me that life is beautiful.  Maybe that is why I love working in my yard, in my home, in our fields, and with our animals.  All of these things promote beauty. 

It takes care, perseverance, and courage to get past the damage that a cyber bully can inflict.  I have learned that those most guilty of trespasses are the the persons that will yell the loudest, stomp their feet, throw tantrums, and exaggerate truths.  I find it interesting that her "friends", her "family", and those who claim they know of her, seek me out for our side of the story that has never been told.  Her lies, her falsehoods, her rants have caught up with her.  There is a quiet comfort in such.  A validation of sort.  A quiet comfort that lends itself into a calming beauty.   How wonderful it is to know that truth may be slow but it slowly glides to the surface and lends itself to a ripple that spreads across the water, reaching the banks of audience in its soft exposure.




 
Copyright © 2018 by CandaLeeParker.com
IRideTheDarkHorse.com
All rights reserved. This blog or any portion thereof may not be printed, copied, reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review or similar cited with author's name and copyright.