Monday, March 19, 2018

Courage in the Journey

There is a lot of advice floating around in recognizing, dealing with, and stopping cyber bullying.  All of the issues are important.  Healing is a process that is important as well.  It is important for our well being and in finding ways to avoid future exposure. 

A cyber bullying experience can take its toll on children, adults, and seniors.  It can cause devastation to a sense of self and personal morale.  Sadly, in the wide world of the internet, no one is exempt from cyber bullying.  It can cause mistrust and resistance to online interactions. 

Because of our online bully, I have been able to mark my courage.  It was not believed that I would take our case to court, teasing and taunting was daily bombardment from her.  Not only have we taken her on in one state, we are now moving forward in another state.  Daily manifestation of this movement forward is a daily confirmation that reminds me that I have risen above the nonsense and only becoming stronger because of the experience.  It is time to let go!  If I allow the feelings of anger and hate towards our cyber bully continue, she retains whatever power she feels that she has over us and in the end it will consume all of us, the cyber bully included.  Forgiveness frees us from the constant thoughts of revenge, hate or anger.  My ultimate victory as a survivor is that I will go one and not let this evil lady to bully my inner thoughts and feelings.

Bullies are cowardly and insecure.  Bullying is a way of coping with things in their own lives that are not working well for them.  In my case, the woman thought I am at fault for not allowing her to have the man that she really wanted and she had to move in with another man to care for herself.  Perhaps she has been a subject of abuse, has lost loved ones, feels dismissed and unwanted, suffering from mental illness, or lack of sleep.  Whatever the reason, it is not an excuse for cruel behavior towards another person.  We are trying to understand what makes her this way and in this thought of compassion, it has helped us to move on and to heal much faster.

This week has been filled with love, kindness, and success.  This is what happens when the efforts are turned from dwelling on the miserable and working in the wonderful.  Horse and cow babies were born, Toby successfully completed his fifth service dog lesson, hay was delivered, and my husband is feeling better and able to walk a bit more.  Tulips and daffodils are pushing through the dark earth in an effort to warm in the sun that comes and goes behind a snow cloud or two.  My work is going well, my book continues to surprise me, and a new semester at college is beginning.  My husband and I are taking a short vacation to see beautiful red cliffs and tall water falls.  These are the moments that don't include our bully, our stalker, and her threats and meaningless and stupid.  Caring responses fill the air and blessings of the experiences of others write the pages of our movement forward because I am ..

riding the dark horse ..

 Copyright © 2018 by CandaLeeParker,
All rights reserved. This blog or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review or similar cited with author's name and copyright and only with written permission of the author.

Wednesday, March 14, 2018

The Work Begins

Acceptance is like an antibiotic that prevents past rejections 
from turning into present-day infections ..

This week has been a week of blessings.  Letters have been written, answers have been received, and the movement forward is moving forward.  I had a long conversation with an assistant in the State prosecutor's office and was amazed at the information that I received.  We now have a platform to move forward with. 

Spring seems to be around the corner.  The snow has melted once again and the flower gardens were soft enough to till.  I am a color person so the yard will be filled with flowers of every kind and color.  The seed box is overflowing with wonders to be planted into the soft, dark earth.  Plants are amazing!  A single seed brings forth a sprawling plant which in turn scatters seeds for more plants to grow.  This is how we should be.  Instead of hate, harassment, and bullying, the seeds of gratitude, happiness, fulfillment, and kindness should be scattered across the four corners of the earth.  As it starts with a single plant, it starts with a single person.  "If you can't find a good person, then be one" .. This comes easy to some but the one rotten apple can spoil the whole barrel if not drawn out and thrown away.

I am excited to start the new deck, adding a Jacuzzi for tired bones, and the leveling to add the fire pit.  Thank you for a wonderful friend who has given us a monstrous fire pit for our summer activities.  Arena fencing delivered to begin our the building of our archery course. Movement forward from the evil, the hate, the drama, the accused, and the criticized.  If I am killed at her hand, my husband will be a very rich man as we have notified all law enforcement and attorneys that there will be a lawsuit as her actions have been reported for more than 5 years.  I believe now we are taken seriously.  In light of the school shootings and serial bombers, it has to be.

In this I ask God to bless her and give her abundance of mastery of her ministry, the one that she professes and is "licensed" for.  This is all that can be done as the damage has become a blessing rather than a curse.  My cause is moving forward in the positive and I am grateful to those who have come forward and given their stories.  The suffering will no longer be silent!

Saturday, March 3, 2018

Being an Adult Bully

 Bullies are a special breed of people.  Their aggression starts at an early age.  It takes a specific nature to start a fight, threaten, intimidate, and actively inflict pain on others.  A bully can cause a great deal of misery to others and its effects on victims last for decades, perhaps even for a lifetime.  The person hurt most by bullying is the bully herself and the negative effects increase over time.  Most bullies have a downward spiraling course through life, their behavior interfering with learning, friendships, work, intimate relationships, income, and mental health.  Bullies can turn into anti-social adults and are far more likely to be involved in child assault, domestic violence, and produce another generation of bullies.  A woman bully has a far more subtle and complex meanness as we have experiences in our family.

Today, a letter was mailed to a state prosecutor with accompanying documents.  An investigator from our county's sheriff department took the documents that were recently posted filled with physical harm and death threats.  My employment has become involved as threats are to be taken seriously.  I have hired a company to take negative items off the internet that a court directed our adult woman bully to take down and I will, again, file a civil suit for reimbursement costs when it is completed.  Lobbying has begun for strict consequences in regards to cyber bullying with a team of 9 persons to date.  With our negative energy from our bully there comes the positive.  We will build a defense for others that are or have experienced the same kind of abuse that we have struggled with for many years. 

To understand the behavior of bullies is to see how aggression is learned and how well the lesson is taken to heart.  The existence of bullies tells us that the social needs of us, as human beings, is hugely dismissed.  Our lives are meaningless and disposable.  Unfortunately, there is no exact definition of a bully with exception that each case involves a repeated pattern of repeated aggressive behavior with negative intent directed from one person to another.  The aggressive behavior is intended to cause distress and pain.  There seems to be a favorable attitude for domination and a sense of satisfaction of hurting others.   Dealing with a woman who is bullying and harassing our family and me, we have developed a resolve, persistent spirits, and in what used to embarrass and humiliate, we document and forward to those individuals trained to assist in such matters.  Her pitiful army is just that; pitiful and weak!  What is interesting is that her pitiful army uses her for their dirty work.  Because she is self-absorbed in her righteousness, she is clueless to these acts.  We find this amusing because ..

I ride the dark horse ..

 Copyright © 2018 by CandaLeeParker,
All rights reserved. This blog or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review or similar cited with author's name and copyright and only with written permission of the author.

Tuesday, February 27, 2018

Decisions of the Day ..

This morning, my husband and I were surprised with a telephone call from the US Army, Inspector General's office.  I had submitted several letters complete with documentation about the whereabouts of my son's ashes.  I will be receiving a packet to pursue exhumation and DNA testing of the ashes of my ex-husband to see if they have been mixed with my son's ashes as proclaimed.  If they are, we will be pursuing a major lawsuit against all parties involved.  I am so grateful to my adult bully who provided much of this information and is filed court record.  I will be pursuing this to the fullest extent of the law.  For many years, I have been perceived as weak but as promised, the secrets are beginning to be revealed.

My ex-husband was a bully but I know that he was controlled by his wife. His wife was in rehab four different times for alcohol addiction.  My son told me of times when he was as young as 13 years old, driving down the hill from their home to the corner grocery gas station and purchasing wine for her.  My ex-husband had been addicted to prescription pain killers for years, even when we were married.  They were mixed with alcohol.  It is rumored that when my ex-husband passed away it was his wife that gave him the drugs for the overdose.  He was due to divorce her and had already made arrangements to purchase a houseboat to live on away from her.  Within a few days, he had passed away. I was given no opportunity to be involved in the funeral arrangements of my son and in fact, at first, was not even listed in the obituary.  I fought for this right and now I am continuing on in my other rights.  I am sure this will become very embarrassing for the parties involved. I had joint custody of my son, he had resided with me when his father rejected him.  Despite the writings of my adult bully, child support had been paid off for many years.  Of course, it wasn't until recent that my adult bully admits to paying child support, even today, yet for years condemned me for doing so.   But I am sure licensed ministers are allowed latitude that others are not.

I remember on Friday evening going to my ex-husband's home to pick up my son for my visitation time.  I was told that I was not allowed to pick him up by the wife.  I said, "Fine", I will take this up with my attorney on Monday morning!  She grabbed my son, young at the time, and literally threw him down four cement steps onto the grass below yelling for me to take him.  I would have never treated anyone's child in this way.  My son spoke of going into his father's room, searching through his dresser drawers and finding empty envelopes of all of the gifts cards that I had sent him for Holidays and birthdays.  He was told that I never sent anything.  When he came to live with me, he accused me of never paying child support.  I pulled out the folders of all correspondence and receipts and showed him that his child support had been paid off years before, he broke down crying and hugged me for an hour.  He had been told he could not have the nice things that his step-brother did because I never paid support.  I also showed him several folders full of copies of the envelopes and gift cards as well as the receipts for them, as I knew one day I would have to prove myself to him. What a horrible cruel act to do to a child.  All of these documents along with custody papers, my birth certificate, my son's birth certificate, have been sent to the military to back up my story.  The story so different than that publicly proclaimed by an woman who is twisted and backwards.  

When my son passed away, a part of my heart died.  He was my blue-eyed, curly blonde-haired, who called me "mama".  He was conflicted; hurt by a father who told him lies and hurt because he was never allowed to spend the time with his mother that he wanted to. How selfish we can become as parents and in the end, it is our children that pay the price.  Even in death, he was kept from me.  No more; the blessings of strength and perseverance will prove my story.  I will pursue this until it meets with truth, dignity, and a righteous end.  Those who thought that they have gotten away with the lies will find the lies circling them, ready to pounce, and ready to inflict the hurt and pain that they have caused.  The news will soon be worldwide as I continue in my firm resolve.  

My silence has been my nemesis.  I will no longer be silent.  If my sins are to be laid bare, so are the sins of others.  After all, I have learned my "Sunday School" lessons from my licensed minister of an adult bully because ..

I ride the dark horse ..

 Copyright © 2018 by CandaLeeParker,
All rights reserved. This blog or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review or similar cited with author's name and copyright and only with written permission of the author.

Sunday, February 25, 2018

The Power Play of the Adult Bully

Adult bullies act out for the same reason children bullies to; they are trying to make up for shortcomings of their own.  This is why you should try and not take the abuse you receive from an adult bully seriously.  In my research and documentation of our adult bully, we have determined that she has serious security issues compounded by self-proclaimed types of mental illness.  She does not think of herself as a bully; she envisions herself as a proclaimed "Joan of Arc" in a sick sort of way.   She feels empowered to pick on us because we are perceived as being weak, we have made mistakes in our lives, and perhaps just because our progression is much more than her own.  There are the more obvious vices; gossip, putting me down in front of others, starting rumors that are not true, and emotional abuse by public humiliation.   She will spend hours typing away thinking that what she has to say will make a difference among strangers on the computer screen.  Obviously, she cannot work alone; she needs the attention of those around her to further her sick cause.

Bullies go after those they feel are sick, fat, ugly, etc., because they feel they can target a person in the area where they might be the most insecure.   Perhaps they will harass a popular girl, a beautiful and talented woman, to boost their ego.  This strategy serves a social purpose in that the bully is trying to establish power so nobody else will push them around.  Bullies are looking for people that are willing to submit to their power play.  For a long time, this bothered me until her history began unraveling and her character became exposed.  When I stopped being a victim, our bully's attempts began to be funny.  She might be aggressive but she is lazy and unmotivated to do the right thing.  Using scripture to validate her cause makes her a coward.

We have come to push back in her attempts to abuse.  We have prepared for her encounters and with the assistance of legal authorities begun to call her out on her behavior.  We focus on our own lives and the movement forward away from her refraining from reaction and push back.  We are specific in our documentation and research.  She is looking for attention and refuses to grasp the truths.  We no longer let fear prevent us from obtaining the help and protection that we deserve.  Our permanent injunction, won in a court of law, against her will assist us in the future.  Her frustration and aggression will cause mistakes. The safety of my family and myself are foremost.  

Today, an editor from a newspaper contacted me in regards to an article that we sent them.  Within this article was the experience of Dr. Phil and the circus that he caused. Piece by piece, information has been disproved and my husband has proclaimed to her how he was shut out of the proceedings.  Of course, our bully told the world that he did not want to stand by me during the taping of the show, but was far from the truth.  Within this article, I also gave reference to another bully; one who had sex with my under-aged married daughter, masturbated in from of my small children and his own son, and then placed blame on me for incidences that I did not do.  I even handed her the police reports.  Yes, they were documented at the time.  His sins are being made known.  He was not my husband but a man who claimed to be God-fearing and perfect just like my woman bully.  Maybe this is why my adult bully has a promiscuous nature.  A kind of sick control over others.

My husband and I spoke to her in great length today and this article will soon be published.  The reporter has facts, not internet hearsay and innuendo that our bully truly believes in her mind are truths.  I have decided to stand strong and spill the secrets that I thought I would never reveal because I know how it feels to be embarrassed and humiliated.  I use to not want others to feel this way but the time has come when they need to come forth.  I am going to clear my name of falsehood and blame.  It is not going to be comfortable for others. 

Standing strong can be healing.  Do I care what is on the internet?  No!  There is enough written for people to read and make informed decisions about what is true and what is not.  Our bully's rants give great detail into her personality, her threats, and to proving who is really the bully despite her pleas of harassment and abuse.  After all, we have already proven that it is the bully who cries victim the loudest!  Our revelations have come through and survived a court of law and we are not the party paying damages. 

It goes without saying that any perceived physical threat, like what our woman adult bully has threatened against us, should be handled with the assistance of local law enforcement or other community resources.  Some bullies are dangerous (ours has threatened to come up behind me with her new revolver) and may need legal interventions to reduce the risk of harm.  Do not be afraid to seek such assistance even if you feel that you do not need it.   It is time to not be afraid because ..

I ride the dark horse ..

 Copyright © 2018 by CandaLeeParker,
All rights reserved. This blog or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review or similar cited with author's name and copyright and only with written permission of the author.

Saturday, February 24, 2018

The Boastings of an Adult Bully ..

Today the boasting of an adult woman bully was emailed upon request of a couple of agencies who could not believe our story. An older gentleman came into work today with a "patch" and I showed him a post which he thought interesting. He asked for a copy and said he will check it out for us. Oh, yes, and there is more!

What is the difference between a child bully and an adult bully?  Everyone knows the bully during grade school. Just recently, I had a gentleman "facebook" me to apologize for treating me horribly in high school.  I guess I had not noticed and I did not remember such behavior.  We have had two wonderful conversations and will be meeting his family in April when we visit Eastern Washington.  Most conversations revolve around the victim but what if the adult bully is the victim. While we encourage and empathize with the victim, we often try and ignore the bully! Of course, we do! Adult bullies show traits of anger, aggression, hyperactivity and violence. This is according to, a privately funded research site. According to their research, as bullies age, the more likely they are to engage in antisocial behavior. Adults who are bullies are 10 times likely to lie, six times more likely to fight, and three times more likely to engage in harassing behavior. This was made clear to us by a "family member" who receives consistent "middle finger" gestures and profanity from our adult bully and her husband. What an example this must give to young children that may be in close proximity to witness such attitude.

Adult bullies are 11 times more likely to engage in conduct disorders, personality disorders, and anti-social personalities. We have given evidence to the court and witnessed such behaviors from our adult bully. I think the hardest part of the study to read was that adult bullies are victims as well and need help just like children bullies do. They are difficult to deal with so they are rejected. We have heard this time and time again in regards to our adult bully. Some experience some type of abuse at home and bullying others is a coping mechanism.  An adult bully can be hard to counsel as, in the case of our bully, they think that there is nothing wrong with them and they are completely in the right. The rants can be crazy and hard to read but the meanings are clear and we document all with dates. We know that we will be using the information soon. At this point in my life, even though it has been suggested, I cannot feel sorry for the woman that continually bullies us. She claims to be Christian, a minister, a mother, a grandmother, and yet we receive harassment that is beyond the normal.

I am standing firm in protection of my family, my properties, and me. I will no longer be intimidated and abused. Her world is sad; broken-down homes, clutter, disorganization, and not married to the man that she wanted to be married to. I am empathetic to her plight but have no tolerance for her meanness. Not once, has she come forward to find out true stories and brags of acquaintances as dishonest and mean as she is. Oh, the stories and documents I could share! She would be very surprised! Not much to brag about when good people know the truth. How grateful I am for my strength and perseverance; I am sure I will have to travel the miles with her, and I will use legal aide to assist me in my endeavors to keep her at bay.  "Twisted old woman" is the description given me; I feel sorry for her because the description fits!  I continue on because ..

I ride the dark horse ..

 Copyright © 2018 by CandaLeeParker,
All rights reserved. This blog or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review or similar cited with author's name and copyright and only with written permission of the author.

Wednesday, February 21, 2018

Create A Life We Love ..

My first day off in 92 days!  7 days a week and all shifts.  My sweet husband took me to Olive Garden for our belated Valentine's Day dinner.  It was a day free of drama and bad feelings!  This is how it should be.  I had spent the day before sending out many letters and evidence; motions that were signed by a judge, and a wonderful note full of drama and flair; I am sure to intimidate and make me feel afraid.   It has not.  In fact, it was given to my employments and other authorities.   If it were me, I would be totally embarrassed!  Miss-spelled words and threatening gestures.  For me, it is movement forward.

It was so much fun to wake up to my happy room, breakfast in bed, and NetFlix series to finish.  We haven't done this in many months due to my work schedule.  With his help, we finished the farm and personal taxes and scanned them.  Grocery lists, Costco list (I love that they deliver to my door), Home Depot awesomeness!  Redefining success while celebrating the ordinary!  Doesn't that sound phenomenal!  We should not allow ourselves to be made to feel insignificant and not important; not by others and not by ourselves.  The problem is that we have such a limited view of what we consider an accomplished life that we devalue many qualities that are critically important. How do we go back to the idea that ordinary can be extraordinary? How do we remind ourselves that life doesn’t have to be all about public recognition and spotlights?

There is a beauty in cultivating an appreciation for what we already have.  My husband and I have learned this over the past years.  We have lost much but gained so much more.  No longer under the shadows of those who wish us harm.  Of course, this comes from gaining confidence in one's own self and guarding those that are loved and cherished.   It has been about creating a life that we love and not the expectations of others.  We travel, we visit, we fish, we work on our home, designing a pond, enjoying the babies around our farm.  Love in our journey and purpose in our living.  After all, the true journey is what we learn along the way!

Copyright © 2018 by CandaLeeParker,
All rights reserved. This blog or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review or similar cited with author's name and copyright and only with written permission of the author.