Saturday, October 13, 2018

Belief Versus Behavior


This is a blog post that was stolen by my cyber stalker from Google.  She used my personal information to convince them that she was me .. To date, she still tells the world that she owns the blog and my writing.  This is what she does and her behavior.  It is okay; she simply cannot help herself.  She calls me "Hortence" in her writings in order to try and not violate an injunction against her. 

Except From CandidCanda ..

Your beliefs don't make you a better person, your behavior does .. Just because a belief is a belief that is sufficient enough for you to feel strong about, it does not mean that everyone around you will receive it. Think about all of the times that you have experienced in your life in which some people just refused to hear or try to understand what a person was saying that made absolute logical sense because they were more than likely thinking irrationally.  Thank you, dear stalker and bully, I am grateful that you will let me share MY writings again. 

In life we must remember that our beliefs in life will always vary at least a small bit from anyone person who has their own free will to think. In life we must give focus to being ourselves and behaving as best as we possibly can. Do the things that you feel in your heart that are right to do, focus on treating every one with kindness and patience, and never forget that you are no better than anyone else, but you are no less than any man either.

Practicing my belief system(s) has been very difficult as of late due the the fact that I have mixed feelings about how to handle a situation that has become consuming and it has been difficult to keep my anger in check. It is difficult to deal with irrational people and combat with kindness and patience instead of retaliation. It has become even more difficult when I find out that what was suppose to be never was yet I had been blamed for circumstances obviously out of my control. After much thought, I came to the following conclusions:  It is only hurting myself .. One of my favorite sayings is “Holding a grudge against someone is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.” The only person we hurt is ourselves. When we react to negativity, we are disturbing our inner space and mentally creating pain within ourselves. Creative alternative thinking can help me become the "princess of positivity".

I have to remember that it is not about me; it is all about her .. I have learned that when people initiate negativity, it is a reflection of their inner state expressed externally and you just happen to be in front of that expression. It is not personal, so why do we take it personally? In short: Because our ego likes problems and conflict; it tends to be more exciting! People are often so bored and unhappy with their own lives that they want to take others down with them. There could also be other complex issues thrown into the mix; the person may be depressed, anxious, and suffering from other psychological issues that compound the situation. There have been many times when she has left a purposefully hurtful comment(s) on Facebook or other social media pages, and regularly checked back to see if anyone else responded to their comment, waiting eagerly to respond with more negativity. The best solution; ignore her.

There is a battle of ego and when we respond impulsively, it is a natural and honest response. However, is it the smart thing to do? What can be resolved by doing so? The answer: Nothing! It does however feed our ego’s need for conflict and drama. The natural woman .. Have you noticed that when we fight back, it feels really satisfying in our heads? But it doesn’t feel very good in our soul? Our stomach becomes tight and we start having angry thoughts? When we do respond irrationally, it turns the conversation from a one-sided negative expression into a battle of two egos. It becomes an unnecessary and unproductive battle for Who is Right? Unfortunately, I have acted in this manner but it has now been checked and I am truly sorry. I am still allowed righteous anger but I no longer need to feed the ego.

Anger feeds Anger .. Negativity feeds negativity .. Rarely can any good come out of reacting against someone who is in a negative state. It will only trigger anger and an additional reactive responses from that person. If we do respond impulsively, we will have invested energy in the defending of ourselves and we will feel more psychologically compelled to defend ourselves going forward. Have you noticed that the angrier our thoughts become, the angrier we become? It is a negative downward spiral. Since this is an emotion unfamiliar with me, it has taken some time to distinguish and subdue.

The time taken to be negative is a waste of energy. Where attention goes, energy goes. What we focus on tends to expand itself. Since we can only focus on one thing at a time, energy spend on negativity is energy that could have been spend on our personal well-being. My life is full with so much positive -- turn the focus back where it is intended.

In this whole mess, negativity spreads .. I have found that once I allow negativity in one area of my life, it starts to subtly bleed into other areas as well. When we are in a negative state or holding a grudge against someone, we do not feel very good. We carry that energy with us as we go about our day. When we don’t feel very good, we lose sight of clarity and may react unconsciously to matters in other areas of our lives, unnecessarily and unintentional. My anger exploded when I found her to be invading my friends, family, employment and other aspects of my life. I had to come to the conclusion that she was only trying to "mirror" what she didn't have fulfilling in her life. Unfortunately, a once-mutual friend that we both knew had betrayed her as well causing more grief and rages on her part. I had to turn this experience into a positive moment as it forced me to appreciate the life I have worked so hard for and in it, accomplished much.

I have learned to allow freedom of speech. People are as entitled to their opinions as you are. Allow them to express how they feel and let it be. Remember that it’s all relative and a matter of perspective. What we consider positive can be perceived by another as negative. When we react, it becomes me-versus-you, who is right? Some people may have a less than eloquent way of expressing themselves – it may even be offensive, but they are still entitled to do so. They have the right to express their own opinions and we have the right and will power to choose our responses. We can choose peace or we can choose conflict.

So after thinking about all of this, I have concluded that I need to put my "big girl panties on" and get over it. The damage has already been done, the words have been spoken, and blame has been placed. I am dealing with a person who tends be irrational, depressed, and is struggling with major issues in her own life that I am not used to nor have I had to deal with such issues in my life. Out of sight; out of mind .. and let the healing begin ..

Copyright © 2018 by CandaLeeParker
IRideTheDarkHorse.com
www.candaleewhittleparker.com
All rights reserved. This blog or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review or similar cited with author's name and copyright and only with written permission of the author.

Monday, October 1, 2018

Monday, October 01,2018



I am a survivor.
I refuse to give up because I haven’t tried all possible ways.
I will inhale confidence and exhale doubt.
I may be one in 7 billion but I am also one in 7 billion!
I am smart.
I believe I can change the world (or at least my corner of it).
I am important.

This morning as exceptional.  I was up before the sun caring for animals and making breakfast.  There was a chill in the air and I could see my breathe.  My little border collie puppy that has a deformed leg was the happiest to see me as always.  She will always have a place in our hearts because she is special in spirit, life, and enthusiasm despite her disability.  My sweet husband takes her everywhere with him and she loves his attention. 

This is so true about me.  I am a survivor; I have survived the worst of the worst that a person can dish out to another person.  This morning I found her dirty work once again.  She has my social security number and two alerts were called into me.  For months, she publicly made fun of me being overweight, posting photos, and sarcasms.  Other mistakes that I have mad in my life have been spread worldwide while she hides the skeletons in her closets and lies about them.  She has been caught and these alerts have been reported to the authorities.  This is what I have to do to survive; protect; and move forward with love and patience in my heart for her.   This is my healing and my stand against her.

My students meet me with hugs and I love that the halls are filled with sunshine and happiness.  I love my progression over the past years and what blessings that have happened in our lives.  My husband struggles each day with his illness but we have time and love to share with each other.  Our property is beautiful, our home is warm and comfortable and filled with laughter of family and friends.  I took meals in over the weekend for my sister-in-law who had surgery and for a friend who lost her husband to cancer.  This is how life should be .. not in 24 hours of pursuit of revenge and malicious harassment.  We have learned that with the mental illness our bully suffers, she is unable to detach herself from the hatred and discontent she carries in her heart.  Her bi-polar personalities allows her to be filled with rage and despair.  We pray for her and her family.  We also thank her for the lessons that we have learned, on how to use the legal system to defend ourselves, and how to keep a positive attitude despite the telephone calls and the nuisance emails.  We are grateful for the persons who are seeing through her facade and her fake identity of being a good person; honest, loyal, kind, and compassionate.  We have learned otherwise.

AND, as for me, I am IMPORTANT.  I am ME. I am proud of my recent accomplishments, my movement forward, and the wonderful goals waiting to be accomplished.  We know that we are stalked, pictures are taken of us, our valuables, and property are checked into, and it is okay.  This only happens when the person stalking cannot maintain a life of their own.  

Smile at a stranger today, leave a cute note on the door of the neighbor, leave cookies at a random classroom for the teacher; do something that makes you feel that are are special, kind, and good.  It makes for an AMAZING day!









Copyright © 2018 by CandaLeeParker
IRideTheDarkHorse.com
www.candaleewhittleparker.com
All rights reserved. This blog or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review or similar cited with author's name and copyright and only with written permission of the author.



Sunday, September 30, 2018

Sunday, September 2018


I love ME.
The world has a need for me.
I am unique.
I can and I will do things to promote healing in my life.
I can handle this one step at a time.
The sun is shining; I am ready to take on another day.

This morning, we received a strange email from a person that is obviously quite hurt by the actions of another.  It is not an unusual story and we have been receiving such emails and telephone calls for the past year.  We do have one person in common; our adult woman cyber bully.

We were sad to listen to this man's story.  We offered empathy because we understand the same.  How does one get past the betrayal and pain?  I believe that we do not; we endure and find a way to turn a negative experience into positive that will assist others in this same kind of journey.   We can forgive but we do not forget how this person has made us feel and the damage she has done.  It is okay now.  We understand that she cannot help herself even though she makes others believe she is kind and good until they do something that makes her rear her ugly head and become mean and cruel.  So much damage has done by her and yet, look that the blessing that we have had because of her malicious actions.   My handsome husband is feeling better from his surgery.  Our home is filled with love, we have taken in a homeless friend who is slowly rebuilding herself, and the laughter and smiles of children and grandchildren fill the rooms.   Our puppies are clamoring all over us for love and fun, the leaves are turning brilliant Autumn colors, the wood pile is full and ready for Winter, and the hay is covered and ready for snow days.  Meals have been taken to those who are in need, surgeries and new babies .. And a wonderful renewal with a brother has brought happiness and blessings.  Sunday Supper at the home of my parents with brothers, wives, nieces, and nephews.  This is the life that our cyber bully has filled us with and we are more grateful than upset with her. 

When someone in your life presents themselves as mean, cruel, and selfish, thank them for showing you that this is not the person that we want to me.  Because Sundays and every day of the week is filed with love, life, and kind gestures.



Copyright © 2018 by CandaLeeParker, IRideTheDarkHorse.com
www.candaleewhittleparker.com
All rights reserved. This blog or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review or similar cited with author's name and copyright and only with written permission of the author.

Saturday, September 29, 2018

My Affirmations - I Live!







My Affirmations

I love ME.
The world has a need for me.
I am unique.
I can and I will do things to promote healing in my life.
I can handle this one step at a time.
The sun is shining; I am ready to take on another day.
My problem has a solution; I will work on a plan.
I am a survivor.
I refuse to give up because I haven’t tried all possible ways.
I will inhale confidence and exhale doubt.
I may be one in 7 billion but I am also one in 7 billion!
I am smart.
I believe I can change the world (or at least my corner of it).
I am important.
Today, I will celebrate me.
I matter.
I can find peace through prayer and meditation.
I am strong.
My confidence is beautiful.
I am imperfect but I’m perfectly me.
My smile can make someone feel better.
I choose to focus on what I can control.
Everything will work out in the end. If it hasn’t worked out yet, it’s not the end.
I am happy with who I am.
Every day, in every way, I am becoming better and better.
I am a good person.
I keep going because I believe in myself.
I choose to see the good in the people I interact with today.
It is always too early to give up on my goals.
I can reach out for help if I need it.
I am special; I will not change myself for anyone.
I choose hope.
The answer is right before me, even if I do not see it right now.
I am thankful for…
I choose to take good care of myself.
I accept myself.
I can make a difference.
My past does not define my future, I do.
My life is filled with possibility.
I refuse to be pushed by my problems; I will be led by my dreams.
I am awake and ready to be awesome.
I will focus on my talents; I have things to share with the world.
I choose to have the strength to move on to healthier relationships.
I deserve good things in life.
I release myself from my anger.
I love who I am.
I will allow peace to fill my soul.
Today is a new day; I will see what adventure it holds.
I choose to be proud of myself.
I will do my absolute best in all things.
I will speak kindly to others and to myself.
I choose to be brave and tell others if I need their support.
I have the power to control my reactions to the challenges I will face.
I am becoming healthier each and every day.
I choose to see each obstacle as an opportunity to grow.
I will step out of my comfort zone and try something new today.
I am a success; I can make this a great day.
Note to self: You are amazing.
I can control my breathing.
I will stay calm, it will get better.
I allow myself to forgive; it will allow me to move beyond the pain, to a place of peace.
I choose to make today amazing.
I choose to let the past go and move on to the future.
Today, I will be courageous.
I release all fear from my mind.
I can reach my goals, I am unstoppable.
I am ready to write a new chapter for my life.
I will take the time to notice and be thankful for the little things.
I can write down my thoughts and take control of my emotions.
I am a child of God.
My hard work is already paying off.
I am thankful for life.
I choose to be happy.
I accept the good that is flowing into my life.
I will not allow anxious thoughts to steal my joy.
Today, I forgive myself.
My body knows how to get better; I will listen to it and rest when needed.
I am stronger than my worries.
I’m not the only one who struggles; I choose to be kind to everyone that I meet.
Yesterday was a bad day, not a bad life. Today will be better.
I am braver than I feel.
While I wait for the storm to pass, I will choose to dance in the rain.
I am loved.
I will remember; often difficult roads lead to beautiful destinations.
There is more to life than this moment; I choose to keep moving forward.
I am capable of bringing my dreams to life.
I am okay. I am breathing. I am alive.
I am capable of achieving great things.
I light the world with my smile.
My spirit is beautiful.
I make a difference in the world.
I allow myself to take a break and do something I enjoy.
I can show kindness to others.
I’m not sure what will happen tomorrow, but I’ll take care of myself so I am strong enough to face it.
I choose to approach my problems with a calm heart and mind.
I trust myself.
I will do my best with whatever comes my way.
I have a purpose that I am fulfilling.
I will listen to that whisper of hope that says, ‘you can do it, try again’.
I can change my life.
I will learn from yesterday, live for today and hope for tomorrow.



 Copyright © 2018 by CandaLeeParker, IRideTheDarkHorse.com
www.candaleewhittleparker.com
All rights reserved. This blog or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review or similar cited with author's name and copyright and only with written permission of the author.

Tuesday, July 10, 2018

Getting Past The Adult Bully

  
 It can be difficult to get past your adult bully.  Continual reminders can be everywhere along with the bully who continues in the battle.  This week we looked through pages of final draft as we move forward in the legal process once again.  Passive-aggressive behavior can manifest itself everywhere in online social media, texting video, email, and on-line discussions.  Identity theft is prevalent in our case and will be easy to showcase in court.  Anna Maria Chavez wrote, "Cyber bullies do not need physical access to their victims to do unimaginable harm".

Bullies are common in their physical, mental, and/or emotional abuse.  Unless we set strong and effective boundaries, the bully will continue and intensify the abuse.  Getting past the adult bully can take time and great effort.

Someone who hates you normally hates your for one of three reasons; they see you as a threat (she wanted a man that, at the time, she could not have and still cannot have), they hate themselves (no words to describe this situation; we understand her dilemma), or they want to be you (I have made mistakes but I succeed each time I work hard and use positive forward movement away from the situation).  She can only attack me if she perceives me as weak.  If I remain compliant and passive, she will continue her attack.  We used the legal system to make our situation known.  She is a coward as most bullies are.  She teased and taunted that she would never be taken to court; we did.  She owes us monies in court-ordered judgments and ordered to take down negative content off of the internet.  To date, none of that has happened.  She lied about her personal assets and her relationship with her husband who she is now divorced from.  She lies about where she lives with the court.  All of the things that she accused me of.  

When victims begin to show backbone and stand up for their rights, a bully will often back down.  This is true in schoolyards as well as in domestic and office environments.  Shay Mitchell wrote, "I realized that bullying never has to do with you,  It's the bully who's insecure".

When confronting bullies, be sure to place yourself in a position you can safely protect yourself, whether it is standing tall on our own, having other people present as witnesses and support (which I do), or keeping a paper trail of the bully's appropriate behavior.  Our bully decided to sent MY words and writings to my counselor which we laughed about because NONE of her comments or writings were included.  Always one-side in the battle and cowardly in presentation.  It is important to stand up to bullies and you don't have to do it alone.  There are counselors, law enforcement, administrative professionals, and court authorities who are there to assist.

I have survived my bullying experience.  This doesn't mean that it has gone away.  The smoldering battle still continues.  Threats of physical harm, threats of emotional harm, innuendoes, emails, and constant underlying harassment continues and it is okay.   Anger will continue to consume her and living in the past is not a pleasant way to live because ..

I ride the dark horse ..









Copyright © 2018 by CandaLeeParker, IRideTheDarkHorse.com
www.candaleewhittleparker.com
All rights reserved. This blog or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review or similar cited with author's name and copyright and only with written permission of the author.

The Adult Female Bully

I was reading an interesting article about female children who turned into adult women and continued to bully.  What happens as female bullies get older is that they become more sophisticated and they begin terrorizing one or others.  We found this to be particularly true as we found out the childhood horror stories of our adult woman bully.   If not in control of a situation, they can become outraged and violent.  We have experienced such rants and I am sure we will continue to do so. 

As adults, we have full control over how we live our lives and the people we allow in our lives.  I have discovered that our woman bully is projecting her own insecurities on me.  For example, she told the public that she owns 8 homes in three states.  Yet, she cried to our attorney that she owns nothing.  In her divorce, she signed over an old mobile home attached to her former husband's home.  She claims to be self-employed and yet is to hold a job in the private sector but she so wanted me fired from my employment.  Documentation of her ferocious acts are now public record and to date we have seen no monies paid on the judgment awarded to us.   I have discovered that when she bullies, she elevates her own feelings by diminishing those of mine, gossiping, discounting, trying to cause others to reject me, and demean.

Life is too short to spend with people who treat you unjustly.  As an adult, you must take responsibility for the energy you bring into your life and into the lives of those around you.  It is our responsibility to do so because ..

I ride the dark horse ..



 Copyright © 2018 by CandaLeeParker, IRideTheDarkHorse.com
www.candaleewhittleparker.com
All rights reserved. This blog or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review or similar cited with author's name and copyright and only with written permission of the author.







Monday, June 25, 2018

Be Life Changing ..


The story of what has happened in my past does not change.  But the power I give to it has changed.   I have stopped justifying the anger because life is much happier with resentment and the time spent in trying to remember the details.  Unfortunately, sometimes events from the past have a mind of their own.  Maybe there are people who make it difficult for your to forget your past and move on.  Memories keep recirculating when all you want is for them to disappear!  It is not easy to take responsibility for your own happiness but when you do, what is revealed is happiness and peace.

When you think about it, the past isn't really about the past.  Memories of events are thoughts that are occurring in the now, the present.  Anger or hurt about the past happens now.  It is how you present the moment experience that keeps the past alive. What is amazing about this understanding is that the way out of suffering is your attitude about the present.  Healing from the past means that we put all of our attention into the present.

A memory is a thought and think about it, does it really have a power over us?  We have many happy memories that make us happy and we have memories that may make us sad.  Thinking about my son that passed away can make me sad and happy at the same time.  Some memories can have an emotional reaction that can stay stuck.  These are the memories to be careful of because they can make you think of them over and over and over.  If you want to be free of the past, lose interest in those emotional memories.  It does not serve to repeat them and thinking that they are justified.  Try and replace with the happy memories that can make the present wonderful and at peace because ..

I ride the dark horse ..