Tuesday, February 27, 2018

Decisions of the Day ..


This morning, my husband and I were surprised with a telephone call from the US Army, Inspector General's office.  I had submitted several letters complete with documentation about the whereabouts of my son's ashes.  I will be receiving a packet to pursue exhumation and DNA testing of the ashes of my ex-husband to see if they have been mixed with my son's ashes as proclaimed.  If they are, we will be pursuing a major lawsuit against all parties involved.  I am so grateful to my adult bully who provided much of this information and is filed court record.  I will be pursuing this to the fullest extent of the law.  For many years, I have been perceived as weak but as promised, the secrets are beginning to be revealed.

My ex-husband was a bully but I know that he was controlled by his wife. His wife was in rehab four different times for alcohol addiction.  My son told me of times when he was as young as 13 years old, driving down the hill from their home to the corner grocery gas station and purchasing wine for her.  My ex-husband had been addicted to prescription pain killers for years, even when we were married.  They were mixed with alcohol.  It is rumored that when my ex-husband passed away it was his wife that gave him the drugs for the overdose.  He was due to divorce her and had already made arrangements to purchase a houseboat to live on away from her.  Within a few days, he had passed away. I was given no opportunity to be involved in the funeral arrangements of my son and in fact, at first, was not even listed in the obituary.  I fought for this right and now I am continuing on in my other rights.  I am sure this will become very embarrassing for the parties involved. I had joint custody of my son, he had resided with me when his father rejected him.  Despite the writings of my adult bully, child support had been paid off for many years.  Of course, it wasn't until recent that my adult bully admits to paying child support, even today, yet for years condemned me for doing so.   But I am sure licensed ministers are allowed latitude that others are not.

I remember on Friday evening going to my ex-husband's home to pick up my son for my visitation time.  I was told that I was not allowed to pick him up by the wife.  I said, "Fine", I will take this up with my attorney on Monday morning!  She grabbed my son, young at the time, and literally threw him down four cement steps onto the grass below yelling for me to take him.  I would have never treated anyone's child in this way.  My son spoke of going into his father's room, searching through his dresser drawers and finding empty envelopes of all of the gifts cards that I had sent him for Holidays and birthdays.  He was told that I never sent anything.  When he came to live with me, he accused me of never paying child support.  I pulled out the folders of all correspondence and receipts and showed him that his child support had been paid off years before, he broke down crying and hugged me for an hour.  He had been told he could not have the nice things that his step-brother did because I never paid support.  I also showed him several folders full of copies of the envelopes and gift cards as well as the receipts for them, as I knew one day I would have to prove myself to him. What a horrible cruel act to do to a child.  All of these documents along with custody papers, my birth certificate, my son's birth certificate, have been sent to the military to back up my story.  The story so different than that publicly proclaimed by an woman who is twisted and backwards.  

When my son passed away, a part of my heart died.  He was my blue-eyed, curly blonde-haired, who called me "mama".  He was conflicted; hurt by a father who told him lies and hurt because he was never allowed to spend the time with his mother that he wanted to. How selfish we can become as parents and in the end, it is our children that pay the price.  Even in death, he was kept from me.  No more; the blessings of strength and perseverance will prove my story.  I will pursue this until it meets with truth, dignity, and a righteous end.  Those who thought that they have gotten away with the lies will find the lies circling them, ready to pounce, and ready to inflict the hurt and pain that they have caused.  The news will soon be worldwide as I continue in my firm resolve.  

My silence has been my nemesis.  I will no longer be silent.  If my sins are to be laid bare, so are the sins of others.  After all, I have learned my "Sunday School" lessons from my licensed minister of an adult bully because ..

I ride the dark horse ..



 Copyright © 2018 by CandaLeeParker, IRideTheDarkHorse.com
www.candaleewhittleparker.com
All rights reserved. This blog or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review or similar cited with author's name and copyright and only with written permission of the author.

Sunday, February 25, 2018

The Power Play of the Adult Bully

Adult bullies act out for the same reason children bullies to; they are trying to make up for shortcomings of their own.  This is why you should try and not take the abuse you receive from an adult bully seriously.  In my research and documentation of our adult bully, we have determined that she has serious security issues compounded by self-proclaimed types of mental illness.  She does not think of herself as a bully; she envisions herself as a proclaimed "Joan of Arc" in a sick sort of way.   She feels empowered to pick on us because we are perceived as being weak, we have made mistakes in our lives, and perhaps just because our progression is much more than her own.  There are the more obvious vices; gossip, putting me down in front of others, starting rumors that are not true, and emotional abuse by public humiliation.   She will spend hours typing away thinking that what she has to say will make a difference among strangers on the computer screen.  Obviously, she cannot work alone; she needs the attention of those around her to further her sick cause.

Bullies go after those they feel are sick, fat, ugly, etc., because they feel they can target a person in the area where they might be the most insecure.   Perhaps they will harass a popular girl, a beautiful and talented woman, to boost their ego.  This strategy serves a social purpose in that the bully is trying to establish power so nobody else will push them around.  Bullies are looking for people that are willing to submit to their power play.  For a long time, this bothered me until her history began unraveling and her character became exposed.  When I stopped being a victim, our bully's attempts began to be funny.  She might be aggressive but she is lazy and unmotivated to do the right thing.  Using scripture to validate her cause makes her a coward.

We have come to push back in her attempts to abuse.  We have prepared for her encounters and with the assistance of legal authorities begun to call her out on her behavior.  We focus on our own lives and the movement forward away from her refraining from reaction and push back.  We are specific in our documentation and research.  She is looking for attention and refuses to grasp the truths.  We no longer let fear prevent us from obtaining the help and protection that we deserve.  Our permanent injunction, won in a court of law, against her will assist us in the future.  Her frustration and aggression will cause mistakes. The safety of my family and myself are foremost.  

Today, an editor from a newspaper contacted me in regards to an article that we sent them.  Within this article was the experience of Dr. Phil and the circus that he caused. Piece by piece, information has been disproved and my husband has proclaimed to her how he was shut out of the proceedings.  Of course, our bully told the world that he did not want to stand by me during the taping of the show, but was far from the truth.  Within this article, I also gave reference to another bully; one who had sex with my under-aged married daughter, masturbated in from of my small children and his own son, and then placed blame on me for incidences that I did not do.  I even handed her the police reports.  Yes, they were documented at the time.  His sins are being made known.  He was not my husband but a man who claimed to be God-fearing and perfect just like my woman bully.  Maybe this is why my adult bully has a promiscuous nature.  A kind of sick control over others.

My husband and I spoke to her in great length today and this article will soon be published.  The reporter has facts, not internet hearsay and innuendo that our bully truly believes in her mind are truths.  I have decided to stand strong and spill the secrets that I thought I would never reveal because I know how it feels to be embarrassed and humiliated.  I use to not want others to feel this way but the time has come when they need to come forth.  I am going to clear my name of falsehood and blame.  It is not going to be comfortable for others. 

Standing strong can be healing.  Do I care what is on the internet?  No!  There is enough written for people to read and make informed decisions about what is true and what is not.  Our bully's rants give great detail into her personality, her threats, and to proving who is really the bully despite her pleas of harassment and abuse.  After all, we have already proven that it is the bully who cries victim the loudest!  Our revelations have come through and survived a court of law and we are not the party paying damages. 

It goes without saying that any perceived physical threat, like what our woman adult bully has threatened against us, should be handled with the assistance of local law enforcement or other community resources.  Some bullies are dangerous (ours has threatened to come up behind me with her new revolver) and may need legal interventions to reduce the risk of harm.  Do not be afraid to seek such assistance even if you feel that you do not need it.   It is time to not be afraid because ..

I ride the dark horse ..




 Copyright © 2018 by CandaLeeParker, IRideTheDarkHorse.com
All rights reserved. This blog or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review or similar cited with author's name and copyright and only with written permission of the author.



Saturday, February 24, 2018

The Boastings of an Adult Bully ..


Today the boasting of an adult woman bully was emailed upon request of a couple of agencies who could not believe our story. An older gentleman came into work today with a "patch" and I showed him a post which he thought interesting. He asked for a copy and said he will check it out for us. Oh, yes, and there is more!

What is the difference between a child bully and an adult bully?  Everyone knows the bully during grade school. Just recently, I had a gentleman "facebook" me to apologize for treating me horribly in high school.  I guess I had not noticed and I did not remember such behavior.  We have had two wonderful conversations and will be meeting his family in April when we visit Eastern Washington.  Most conversations revolve around the victim but what if the adult bully is the victim. While we encourage and empathize with the victim, we often try and ignore the bully! Of course, we do! Adult bullies show traits of anger, aggression, hyperactivity and violence. This is according to Education.com, a privately funded research site. According to their research, as bullies age, the more likely they are to engage in antisocial behavior. Adults who are bullies are 10 times likely to lie, six times more likely to fight, and three times more likely to engage in harassing behavior. This was made clear to us by a "family member" who receives consistent "middle finger" gestures and profanity from our adult bully and her husband. What an example this must give to young children that may be in close proximity to witness such attitude.

Adult bullies are 11 times more likely to engage in conduct disorders, personality disorders, and anti-social personalities. We have given evidence to the court and witnessed such behaviors from our adult bully. I think the hardest part of the study to read was that adult bullies are victims as well and need help just like children bullies do. They are difficult to deal with so they are rejected. We have heard this time and time again in regards to our adult bully. Some experience some type of abuse at home and bullying others is a coping mechanism.  An adult bully can be hard to counsel as, in the case of our bully, they think that there is nothing wrong with them and they are completely in the right. The rants can be crazy and hard to read but the meanings are clear and we document all with dates. We know that we will be using the information soon. At this point in my life, even though it has been suggested, I cannot feel sorry for the woman that continually bullies us. She claims to be Christian, a minister, a mother, a grandmother, and yet we receive harassment that is beyond the normal.

I am standing firm in protection of my family, my properties, and me. I will no longer be intimidated and abused. Her world is sad; broken-down homes, clutter, disorganization, and not married to the man that she wanted to be married to. I am empathetic to her plight but have no tolerance for her meanness. Not once, has she come forward to find out true stories and brags of acquaintances as dishonest and mean as she is. Oh, the stories and documents I could share! She would be very surprised! Not much to brag about when good people know the truth. How grateful I am for my strength and perseverance; I am sure I will have to travel the miles with her, and I will use legal aide to assist me in my endeavors to keep her at bay.  "Twisted old woman" is the description given me; I feel sorry for her because the description fits!  I continue on because ..

I ride the dark horse ..



 Copyright © 2018 by CandaLeeParker, IRideTheDarkHorse.com
All rights reserved. This blog or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review or similar cited with author's name and copyright and only with written permission of the author.




Wednesday, February 21, 2018

Create A Life We Love ..


My first day off in 92 days!  7 days a week and all shifts.  My sweet husband took me to Olive Garden for our belated Valentine's Day dinner.  It was a day free of drama and bad feelings!  This is how it should be.  I had spent the day before sending out many letters and evidence; motions that were signed by a judge, and a wonderful note full of drama and flair; I am sure to intimidate and make me feel afraid.   It has not.  In fact, it was given to my employments and other authorities.   If it were me, I would be totally embarrassed!  Miss-spelled words and threatening gestures.  For me, it is movement forward.

It was so much fun to wake up to my happy room, breakfast in bed, and NetFlix series to finish.  We haven't done this in many months due to my work schedule.  With his help, we finished the farm and personal taxes and scanned them.  Grocery lists, Costco list (I love that they deliver to my door), Home Depot awesomeness!  Redefining success while celebrating the ordinary!  Doesn't that sound phenomenal!  We should not allow ourselves to be made to feel insignificant and not important; not by others and not by ourselves.  The problem is that we have such a limited view of what we consider an accomplished life that we devalue many qualities that are critically important. How do we go back to the idea that ordinary can be extraordinary? How do we remind ourselves that life doesn’t have to be all about public recognition and spotlights?

There is a beauty in cultivating an appreciation for what we already have.  My husband and I have learned this over the past years.  We have lost much but gained so much more.  No longer under the shadows of those who wish us harm.  Of course, this comes from gaining confidence in one's own self and guarding those that are loved and cherished.   It has been about creating a life that we love and not the expectations of others.  We travel, we visit, we fish, we work on our home, designing a pond, enjoying the babies around our farm.  Love in our journey and purpose in our living.  After all, the true journey is what we learn along the way!



Copyright © 2018 by CandaLeeParker, IRideTheDarkHorse.com
All rights reserved. This blog or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review or similar cited with author's name and copyright and only with written permission of the author.

Monday, February 19, 2018

The Adult Bully Challenge


Psychological abusers do not go for the weak; they choose strong people because they like the "challenge".  Victims of psychological abuse are often strong, confident, and successful.  This is because abusers are attracted to someone they think will break under their pressure and goading. 

When you think of someone in an abusive relationship, you think of someone weak.  This may well be the end result, but it did not start out that way.  Nor does the abuser plan on the victim to turn the tables and no longer be the abused.  More many months that turned into years, I was told "ignore"; she will go away.  She will lose interest and turn on someone else!  WRONG!  Her savage attacks have become threats of violence and death, not only to me, but members of my family.   Maybe it is my success and strength that keeps her motivated.   This now defines her as a narcissist and a psychopath as she attempts to define me. 

For an adult bully, it is all about feeling superior.  The want to drag out the negative attributes in another is the want of feeling the better of the person they are attacking. There is a huge sense of entitlement, so the sense of picking on someone who is strong, who they can try and deconstruct, gives them a feeling a power and false happiness.  It feeds on what they really believe about themselves; perfection, entitlement, and that there is nothing wrong with them.  This personality type are not programmed to think there is an issue with themselves because they think that it is not about them.  They definitely do not like their negative characteristics and actions revealed.  In this they become hostile and retaliatory.   They do not like the tactics of their negative behavior used against them.  This reveals to others that they are not the perfect entities as professed and their armor of perfection is shattered and the naked soul laid vulnerable to criticism.  This is where the abused will not take lightly the threats of physical and emotional harm and reach out to entities that are there to deal with such.  The battle is on because ..

I ride the dark horse .. 

Copyright © 2018 by CandaLeeParker, IRideTheDarkHorse.com

All rights reserved. This blog or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review or similar cited with author's name and copyright and only with written permission of the author.


Saturday, February 17, 2018

Threats of a Cyber Bully


Because of the increased cruelty of cyber bullying , there comes a deeper impact on those involved.  The effects of cyber bullying are in many ways worse than traditionally bullying as it can creep its way into every part of the victim's life.  In some cases, people have taken their lives because they became the victims of vicious cyberbullies.

Our cyberbully decided she needs a mob to carry out her work involving motorcycle clubs and church members.  It was very explicit about what was going to happen to my family and me.  She publicly listed our home, surroundings, employments, looked up where my brother lives, and even listed the name of my new puppy. She has passed this information on to "over 590 members of a motorcycle club" who take care of "issues" such as she believes we are.  She has them watching our every move and we never know who is following our car or ready to pull a gun and be rid of us!  Of course, she is trying to incur dangerous stigmas and harmful shame of me with the threat of physical harm and physiological symptoms.  It won't work.  We understand her plight and her own emotional issues.

As precautions against the threats of he violence, I have emailed her words to all of the motorcycle chapters in the United States, to law enforcement agencies that I am not scared to engage with, sent the words along with others in letters to the FBI, and made family and friends aware of her threats.  I have letters prepared in case of my demise and who to look for.  I have emailed national news media sites sending along our history and her words.  Did you know that you can seal your property records when you present the counties with threat of harm?  Prepare your case thoroughly.  Let the cyber bully prepare your case against them.

In watching the Winter Olympics, I have learned that we are TEAM USA.  All people belong in a nation where personal accountability and responsibility needs to stay that; personal. As cyber bullying as grown, so have the calls for prevention and legislation to address it.  Groups of concerned citizens across the country want to help others understand cyber bullying and its often unwanted and unintended consequence.  We need to make cyber bullying accountable, especially in extreme cases that lead to harm.  I am not afraid because ..

I ride the dark horse ..



Copyright © 2018 by CandaLeeParker, IRideTheDarkHorse.com

All rights reserved. This blog or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review or similar cited with author's name and copyright and only with written permission of the author.





Thursday, February 15, 2018

Adult Bullies and Violence


I finished reading a book by Jon Ronson called, "So You Have Been Publicly Shamed."   He writes of cyberbullies and how they see themselves as righteous crusaders.  They claim that their victims are asking for it and all bullies feel morally justified in their actions.  My family and I live this every day with our cyberbully.  We know that she lacks insight and self-awareness and her behavior is expected.  She believes that she is teaching me a lesson, that I am asking for it, and that I need to be called out and corrected.  It is easy for her to contact employments, our banks, my colleges, and write letters to family and friends, because she does not work, does not have a bank account, and even better, knows that we would not do such harm to her.  Her claim of 350,000 pages of harassment against her from me is this; a claim which equals 87.5 boxes of copy paper filled with 8 reams at 500 pages each.  87.5 boxes of harassment were not given to the court by her at any time during our lawsuit against her.  In a month, I may send 85 emails in a day which equals 340 emails in a week (Monday through Thursday), and is a total of 1360 emails a week.  This total is 5440 emails monthly.  And this is at work!  The rest of the week is filled with college work and I barely have a moment to spare dealing with anything personal.  When in my spare time would I have time to send 350,000 harassing emails or letters or texts!  NOT!  This is what a bully does; exaggerates and lies to get a point across and yet it does not make sense!

In light of the Florida school shooting, the young man had been troubled and violent for quite sometime with documentation to back up these claims.  Even teachers wrote emails to other teachers giving caution in their interaction with this student.  So what about claims that are posted to the internet?

On Feb 2, at 8:27pm, my woman adult bully and cyber stalker wrote the following on a blog site that is about me.

"I'm sorry sir; It will have to be closed casket, the shot gun blast destroyed her face."

This was a bit un-nerving and copies have been forward to our attorney and other legal entities for their review and filing.  This is the sort of documentation that is important to date and file.  If something happens to one of my family members or to me, law enforcement will know exactly where to look and ask questions.  Of course, being the coward that she is, she took down the post when it was revealed on other source sites but we have the copies and we have the support of Google Plus!

Unfortunately, the internet is hard to escape and it can be harder to identify.  It is easy for a bully to be a bully; hiding behind a computer screen and a keyboard.  The cruel and demeaning words can be disheartening but there is one thing that is clear; it shows the mental instability of the pursuer and the lack of reality.  This can be a dangerous combination as was posted to a blog in regards to my family and me.  We are not afraid.  We understand the twisted and crazy mind of a person that cannot get go and move past the past.  She is good at having temper tantrums, bragging about her arsenals, and claiming to be a minister at the same time!  This will definitely give credence should I end up dead at her hands!

Copyright © 2018 by CandaLeeParker, IRideTheDarkHorse.com

All rights reserved. This blog or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review or similar cited with author's name and copyright and only with written permission of the author.

Monday, February 12, 2018

Bully Syndrome; The Adult Woman Who Degrades A Child


Bully Syndrome is a chronic disease.  This is a disease which is a mental condition created by a broken mind, jealousy, and poor self-esteem.  This is a disease where one enjoys the misfortune of others, attempting to create the persona of being better, more accomplished, and well-adjusted in their lives.  It is a disease that distorts the truth and makes the bully tell one lie after another for their own benefit.  A disease which makes the lies into truths in their own minds.  A disease which also keeps the mad-up stories as "real truth" in their sick minds. 

My adult woman bully makes sick jokes about my son, on public internet, who she believes is and calls "bastard".  In fact, the word "bastard" is in full caps (BASTARD) as she describes my son and me, as his mother.  She, herself, bore a child out of wedlock but refuses to call her child the same horrible word.  Of course and as usual, she has validation of such.  Her child cannot be as it was conceived in love.  But so was mine!  It was a mis-guided love at the time, but it was love.

My "bastard" son has grown into a man rich with family and love.  He protects his mother at all costs and refuses to answer to a woman who is nothing more than a gossip and toxic woman.  His many visits into our home with his wife and child make life wonderful and memorable.  His father denied the existence of my son until many years later when the State made him succumb to a blood test by court order.  He was charged back and current child support.  At the time, he was married with three children of his own and began reluctant visitation with a son elated to finally get a chance to know his father. His father, step-mother, and step brother and sisters were not kind to him yet he took their abuse with a smile and good attitude.  When I decided to relocate to the State of Virginia with my husband, my son wanted to stay with his father.  He was desperately wanting this relationship to work.  Because my handsome son would be staying with his father, I signed off over $16,000 in back child support so that his father's family would not suffer from this financial burden.  I never relinquished custody, my son was never legally taken from me; we had joint custody with primary residence given to my son's father at that time.  My son returned to me just a little over a year later, crushed at the attitude of his father towards him.  His father making up stories of bad behavior and contempt for the child.  We found out later it was the children of his own family that were making my son fight a losing battle to win his father's attention.  One story was of his father smoking marijuana and giving it to all of this children; illegal and under-age.  My son graduated from high school with honors, has gone to college, and has worked hard to become a supervisor in a healthcare company.  He has nothing to do with his father and calls my husband "dad".  The man who took him in and taught him how to be a good man, proficient in mechanics and encouraging good grades.  The man not his biological father.  He credits my husband and I for standing with him in his struggles of faith and family.  He has loved me unconditionally.  My son is full of love and service, he loves his child and involved in all of her activities.  He treats with wife with love and respect as I would want him and trained him to be.  He is God-fearing, prays and read scripture daily, and works faithfully in his church alongside others.  He is not at fault as to how he was conceived; he just needs to know how loved and appreciated he his as all children need in their lives. 

I have never gone back and asked for the child support that is owed to me.  I still can and maybe I should.  This would cause truth to unfold!  Why cause further grief and pain when guilt will eat up this man one day.  After all, the man that could not be father has been married and divorced several times since this has all happened.  He cannot support himself or a family.    Maybe I should tell how this person was returned from a Mormon mission for attending a concert and having sex with women while professing love of faith and religion?!  But this is a world of second chances and down-and-out stories, isn't it?  The dirty secrets of those gossiping could no longer be kept secret.  Well, for most of us with exception of those inflicted with Bully Syndrome.

My adult woman bully did not offer these truths in her story of slander because it would not be of interest.    One cold, heartless, and cruel person obviously sickened with "bully syndrome" has to exaggerate and lie to have a following.   Of course, she has her "army" of persons that believe what they are telling her is truth when in fact some of it might be but most is being found out to be false.  Of course, she has not admitted on public internet how she lost custody of two of her children to mental illness.    Of course, she has validation for this as usual while others are wicked in the course of parenting their own children.

I am no longer ashamed of my past as I will share.  Because, our God is not only the God of second chances; He is the God of another chance.  This is good news for me because I seem to mess up but less frequently than before.  This is an amazing facet of God's character!  His incredible patience with us!  Psalm 86:15 says it well:  "But you, Lord, are a God Merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness."  Micah 7:18 states, "Who is a God like you, pardoning iniquity and passing over transgression for the remnant of his inheritance? He does not retain his anger forever, because he delights in steadfast love."  Steadfast love!  This is the love that I have for my son.  Unconditional love that has overcome because ..

I ride the dark horse ..


Copyright © 2018 by CandaLeeParker, IRideTheDarkHorse.com


All rights reserved. This blog or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review or similar cited with author's name and copyright and only with written permission of the author.



Friday, February 9, 2018

The Cry-Baby Bully



Bullying is defined as unwanted aggressive behavior "that involved a real or perceived power imbalance".  This definition was given to me by a person from stopbullying.gov.  The Merriam-Webster Dictionary says it is "A blustering browbeating person; especially one habitually cruel to others who are weaker."  A cry-bully is someone who engages in intimidation, harassment, or other abusive behavior while claiming to be a victim.  I am sure we all know someone like this.  They use perceived righteousness as validation to abuse others and then play the sufferer when confronted about the abuse they are dishing out.  If you do not fight back, the cry-bully bullies you.  If you fight back, the cry-bully cries and "boo-hoos" to others stating that you have made he or she feel unsafe.

Our cry-baby bully puts her thoughts on social media and then claims she is being publicly attacked on her "private" social media profile.  I believe she has a Munchausen's Syndrome of sorts; she causes her own misery and then complains about it.  Cry-bullies appear to mirror their own actions what they are claiming in victimhood.  They are narcissists who complain about selfishness, takers who should out against greed, and bullies alleging to be victims.  

Beware of giving a cry-bully what they want by retorting to their abuse with insults of your own.  Taking their bait is exactly what they want. Be sure to document, report to legal authorities, and prepare to do battle in the courtroom if need be.  And giggle at the antics!

Just call it like it is; a smear campaign.  They are only using insults to provoke anger back at them.  Do not give them the satisfaction because all they do is crawl off like the cowards they are and announce what horrid treatment they must endure from you.  

In dealing with a cry-bully, be responsible for yourself.  Be responsible for your thoughts, words, actions, and intentions.  Let them be responsible for theirs.  Stay calm and document.

Rather than replaying the actions and words of what it is that upsets us, be the change.  Look for better ways to better your community, take the pledge against bullying, and make it more inclusive by promoting love, kindness, and compassion for all people.  We understand our adult bully for the person she cannot be so we will be the change that we wish to see in the world because ...

I ride the dark horse ...





Copyright © 2018 by CandaLeeParker, IRideTheDarkHorse.com



All rights reserved. This blog or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review or similar cited with author's name and copyright and only with written permission of the author.












Sunday, February 4, 2018

Do Mean Girls Grow Up to be Mean Women ..



It would seem that teenage cruelty would end on the playground because there would not be room for nasty behavior in our adult world.  But then we find out that mean girls just become mean women.  They grow up, maybe get jobs, have children, and then torture you on social media, in emails, on the telephone, or call your employers!  I have found that women tend to operate in a more subtle, insidious, and damaging way than men do.  They are catty and bitter.
We have been working with an investigative reporter that we contacted sometime ago.  He has been able to pull sad information about the life and ways of our own adult woman bully.  Mean women continue to bully for the reasons they bullied when they were younger; an attempt to mask the pain of having been bullied themselves and to regain some sort of control; to diminish the threat of a prettier, smarter, more successful and smarter rival.  Of course there are those who try to show their perceived sexual power over other women.  Usually because this is the only way they can get and attempt to keep a man in their lives.  Badmouthing and spreading rumors, trying to turn family members, friends, colleagues, spouse, against you, constant nasty digs to wear you down, sarcasm, exaggeration, intimidation are some of the ways that an adult bully will try to wear you down and the effort becomes strong when the attempt is to keep you down and perhaps dead.  Oh wait, that is what our bully did; pretend to have committed suicide to incite some sort of emotional reaction.  
Mean women will usually target other women based on their own insecurities.  Usually the victim will be independent, popular, successful, and in some way, a threat to the aggressor.  Usually they will not target a victim unless they think they can get away with it.  The mean behavior takes on prolonged, covert nastiness.  In our case, over 6 years of messiness with a mean woman. These past two years, we filed a civil suit against the mean woman and won including monetary damages.  Of course, her mind doesn’t work in normal mode, and the bullying continues.  Now we are working towards open expression of her mean behavior and in its course, other victims have contacted us as well as professional individuals studying this horrid course of behavior. 
We know that our bully works as a coward; attempting to recruit others who live the same sad existence as she does.  She cannot be independent, cannot maintain long-term employment, and is fixated on our lives and those around us.  She makes up stories and exaggerates facts, twisting them to appear to be at her advantage and then becomes enraged when situations will not work her way.  We have come to live with this person constantly prodding and poking, copying and pasting, all aspects of our lives. Her threats no longer provoke us but are the basis of laughter and movement forward.  It has taken a great deal of time to not let her cause havoc in our lives and with each passing day, she becomes less and less.  Perhaps this has happened in her own life; no longer taken seriously and no longer wanted.  We know why her fixation and her jealousies.  We also know that we are in a better place because ..
 
I ride the dark horse ..
 


Copyright © 2018 by CandaLeeParker, IRideTheDarkHorse.com



All rights reserved. This blog or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review or similar cited with author's name and copyright and only with written permission of the author.

Adult Bullies and their Enablers ..


This morning I had a telephone call from a woman in a similar experience as mine.  She is contemplating civil action against another woman for harassment, defamation, slander, stalking, and bullying.  The laws in her State are a bit more current so she will have an easier time of it than I have had.  We talked about my experience and agreed to talk again.  This makes the fifth telephone call I have had since beginning this journey of prosecution against my woman adult bully.
 
We hear about anti-bullying campaigns everywhere and one would think that such attacks would stop when we have graduated from high school.  Let's talk seriously, we all have been in situations when someone has said something so outrageous and mean-spirited that it caught us off guard and later hoped that we would not be the next person attacked.  I believe that is why an adult bully, especially a woman, can be so effective it their attacks; the behavior is out of character for what we would believe to be a "lady".   Yes, we have all been caught talking behind someone's back but in general we try to be polite to all we meet.  When someone breaks the social rule of backstabbing, we are often so shocked that we do nothing.  We are not programmed to make scenes; we are programmed to avoid them.  It is this shock factor that allows a bully to get what they want; just that, shock.  A bully may not realize that she is a pretentious jerk although I believe at this point of long-term attacks, she does not care.  She has an inflated sense of self-worth that she must keep at all costs.  So, maybe we need a refresher course about bullying for adults.
 
You are being bullied if someone constantly demeans you or uses the internet as a battlefield to destroy your reputation.  You are being bullied is someone is constantly yelling at you or criticizing you.  You are being bullied if someone deliberately is attempting to isolate you in social or work situations.  You are being bullied if you are being shamed or degraded or private secrets revealed to others in an attempt to cause shame or guilt.
 
In doing my research, I am finding that woman adult bullies tend to be older, especially in families.  They think they have the right to tell other people how to live their lives and demand things a certain way.  We may tolerate it, try to keep peace, in case something said may cause a negative outburst.  We try to placate or distract this person so that nothing bad happens. 
 
The determining factor that someone is a bully is that if you call them out, they retaliate, putting the blame back on you.  Even if you try to please this person, you never will.  Our bully thrives on instilling fear.  Meet one demand and she will come up with another.  Believe me, there is no law that states you need to sit and be insulted.  If more of us stood up against our bullies, they would lose their shock power.  The shock factor would turn to our side.  This is my goal as I stand against my bully.  I will no longer stay down and shrink from her humiliation and pain.  She will be revealed because
 
 
I ride the dark horse ..
 


 


Copyright © 2018 by CandaLeeParker, IRideTheDarkHorse.com
All rights reserved. This blog or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review or similar cited with author's name and copyright and only with written permission of the author.
 
 
 

Friday, February 2, 2018

The Adult Bully and Anger Issues ..




 Today I have been wondering why some people have anger issues while other people can work through the negative situations with resolution.  I guess it depends on the the personality and identity of the person.  How does this affect an adult bully bent on hate and revenge?  Is it because the personality is one who gets angry as a way a manipulating others?  Maybe they have been reinforced since childhood for those manipulative temper tantrums.  They come to believe that if they get angry enough, lash out in degrading others, demonstrate their anger long enough, and with enough negative intensity,  we will give in.  This person is obviously a bully in other ways as well, so she will attempt to manipulate then escalate her mood according to how I respond to her attempts.  Her attempts to tell the world what a horrible person I am, the mistakes I have made in my life, down to how many vacations my children have had with me (to which she is horribly mistaken), and what she supposes my legal issues have been, are a weak attempt to manipulate me into some sort of sick submission and blubbering idiot hiding in a corner full of embarrassment and shame. Maybe her anger represses until such time it explodes and it becomes impossible to hold back any longer.   Are the mental illnesses she testified to complicating these actions? The internet becomes filled with horrible comments, letters, and what she believes to be slanderous truths about me.  Threats, taunts, teasing, and misery eek out in her writings. Maybe she was abused, or neglected, bullied or shamed some way in her childhood.  Maybe she is being abused now or an addiction is conflicting her thought processes and it makes her angry and full of uncontrollable thoughts.  Of course, I am the target of this anger.  I am the target of her bullying and she uses the internet as her weapon of choice; her cell phone, the second best weapon, as she calls all who she can to share her misery, her woes, and recruit them into her sinister army.  She has been doing this for a lifetime and she has reinforced her behavior by people who are afraid of her and her explosions or the potential fear that she imposes.  When people give in to her, this reinforces her negative behavior and the anger episodes happen over and over and over.  

I know that I would never degrade her children in public the way that she has done mine.  I have never spoken of her grandson that passed away yet she has mocked the death of my son, even bragging to know where he is buried.  How sad is this!  I understand the pain and the death of a child is a pain that I would never want another mother to experience.    Maybe my bully is just doing the best with what she has to work with; emotionally and physically.  I take this into consideration every time that something new appears on the internet or a telephone call fills me in on her newest adventure to demean my family and I.   Oh wait, should I give her empathy and find a reason to validate her bad behavior?  Maybe; maybe not!

There are many secrets that I could share and I don't.  What would it matter.  I do not care to stoop to her low-life level. My world is not close to her world.  This person always has a reason to justify her bad behavior.  Now that I stand up for myself, the attacks are becoming harsher.  This was to be expected during the course of legalities and the attacks are being documented.  The most recent we have sent to our attorney as somewhat disturbing and full of doom.  I am sure it is a shock factor that she is looking for but it will not come from us.  We are standing against the bully.  Her cowardly actions are those of a small child who can't have her way.  So, we laugh and carry on because ..

I ride the dark horse ..






Copyright © 2018 by CandaLeeParker, IRideTheDarkHorse.com
All rights reserved. This blog or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review or similar cited with author's name and copyright