Mean People

There is an art to loving an unlovable person.  After all, life is full of people who rub us the wrong way.  It can be our family, within our workplace, our church or community.  Gossip can be painful and their habits annoying or hurtful.  How do we cope with difficult people.  Christ calls us to love selflessly and ceaselessly.  How can we be genuine with negative emotions?

In the situation of our adult bully, we understand her plight and shortcomings.  She cannot admit that she has shortcomings or has made mistakes so this can be a difficult situation when trying to stay calm and collected.   Her way of living is absolute and she is unwavering in her cause of proclaimed righteousness and hate.  I laugh at her lies to the court; her divorce and yet still living with a man.  Isn't this against God and her license as a minister?  Again, her bible must be much different that the one that she wants me to abide by.

In dealing with my mean person, I have decided to move forward in success and love.  Researchers have discovered that it is threatened self-esteem that drives a lot of aggression.  Unfortunately, mean people are feeling worse about themselves than usual.  This drives them to gossip and find fault.  I have taken my bully's meanness as motivation to make life a success, to make my home comfortable and secure, to make sure that my husband and children are well taken care of.   I no longer need the approval of others because I am molding myself into the person that I want to be.   It has taken great time and effort but I no longer dream of what I can be; I am becoming what I can be. 

Next time that someone is mean to you, just shake your head and remind them that it has to do with them and not you that is the issue.  Movement forward away and far from their insecurities and frailties because ..

I ride the dark horse ..

Copyright © 2018 by CandaLeeParker, IRideTheDarkHorse.com
www.candaleewhittleparker.com

All rights reserved. This blog or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review or similar cited with author's name and copyright and only with written permission of the author.

Right of Survivorship

Our bully is a coward.  She is not capable of fighting fair.  Her way to battle is behind a computer screen and to threaten with thugs and other bullies to commit crime of physical harm and death. She is a stalker, a thief, and unable to take care of her own life.  Should I feel sorry for her .. Maybe?!  Should I allow her behavior to affect my life and the life of those I love .. No way!!

A bully's behavior is profoundly different from our typical forms of interactions.  Sometimes it may be difficult to determine the difference.  Bullying implies an imbalance of power.  The bully perceives to be better, stronger, socially able, and higher on the social ladder.  It is thought that bullying could be normal behavior, a rite of passage, so to speak. Unfortunately, there is clear intent to cause harm; physical and emotional harm.  They expect it to hurt and take pleasure from it.  Our bully clearly states her pleasure of inflicting pain in court documents secluded in evidence.  It is her will to purposely impose her intent time and time again.  Maybe her thought is that I need to be "toughened up", my life sins clearly posted for all to see, attempting to build my character for the realities of life.   This is a tad bit one-sided as she does not post her life sins in comparison making herself out to be a saint, a licensed minister and writing a bible of her own rules and regulations to justify her bad behavior.  There is no apology in this world that can erase the harm that has been done; she can't even obey the terms of a court order, sought after, and won.

Today, she has no power over me.  I do not care what is written on walls, gossiped about, and  lies spread.  The truth is known and it is all that she is able to do with her life. My world has become secluded, limited to family and our animals.  Our home is inviting and comfortable.  I enjoy my hobbies, competitions, writing, and road trips.  When priorities change, so does life.  Today, my time is filled with family, college classes, and legislation.  Soon, there will be stricter laws to punish those persons filling lives with fear and slander.  This has become my life's work.  Despite mistakes that I have made in my past, the future is bright ..

Following please find great resources in dealing with bullies.  As always, please contact me if you are in need of advice or assistance in your experience with a bully.  Take the pledge and let us abolish bullying!

BOOKS FOR CHILDREN AND ADOLESCENTS

The Berenstain Bears & the Bully by Stan & Jan Berenstain (ages 4–8)
Bullies Are a Pain in the Brain by Trevor Romain (grades 3–8)
Cliques, Phonies & Other Baloney by Trevor Romain (ages 9–12)
How to Handle Bullies, Teasers & Other Meanies by Kate Cohen-Posey (grades 6–10)
Nobody Knew What to Do: A Story About Bullying by Becky Ray McCain (grades K–3)
Secret of the Peaceful Warrior by Dan Millman (all ages)
Stick Up For Yourself! Every Kid’s Guide to Personal Power and Positive Self-Esteem by Gershen Kaufman & Lev Raphael (grades 3–7)
Why Is Everybody Always Picking on Me? by Terrance Webster Doyle (grades K–5)

BOOKS FOR ADULTS

And Words Can Hurt Forever: How to Protect Adolescents from Bullying, Harassment, and Emotional Violence by James Garbarino, PhD, and Ellen Delara, PhD
Anti-Bullying Handbook by Keith Sullivan
Bullies: From the Playground to the Boardroom by Jane Middleton Mose
Bullies, Targets & Witnesses: Helping Children Break the Pain Chain by SuEllen Fried, ADTR, and Paula Fried, PhD
Bullies & Victims: Helping Your Child Through the Schoolyard Battlefield by SuEllen Fried, ADTR, and Paula Fried, PhD
Bully Busters by Dawn Newman, Arthur Hine, and Christi Bartolomucci
Bully Free Classroom by Allan Beane, PhD
The Bully, The Bullied & the Bystander: From Preschool to High School, How Parents & Teachers Can Help Break the Cycle of Violence by Barbara Coloroso
Bullying at School by Dan Olweus
The Bullying Prevention Handbook by John Hoover and Ronald Oliver
The Equip Program: Teaching Youth to Think and Act Responsibly Through Peer-Helping Approach by John C. Gibbs, Granville Bid Potter, and Arnold P. Goldstein
How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish
No More Bullies: For Those Who Wound or Are Wounded by Frank Peretti
Odd Girl Out: The Hidden Culture of Aggression in Girls by Rachel Simmons
Please Stop Laughing at Me by Jodee Blanco 

Copyright © 2018 by CandaLeeParker, IRideTheDarkHorse.com
www.candaleewhittleparker.com

All rights reserved. This blog or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review or similar cited with author's name and copyright and only with written permission of the author.

Size Doesn't Matter

I have been a size less than 0 and I have been a size 18/20.  I have barely weighed 98 pounds and I have weighed significantly more.  I was the saddest with my life at my smallest seemingly to please the one that I loved the most because he complained of an overweight wife and child.  I was the happiest with life at my biggest because my husband has loved me no matter what size I have been and I have loved him at any size he has been.  I was the proudest when after my daughters, I immediately went down to a size 4.  I am the proudest most of all right now, somewhere in the middle.  I am proud at being an average workout buddy with my close friends.  I have a goal to be more fit and healthy as the responsibilities of my world need me to be so.  I have skinny friends and I have not so skinny friends but we love each other for what we present on the inside and not what we look like on the outside.  We encourage, love, and lift up each other in all ways.  Our size does not define us.

Today I thought back on the cruel remarks of a woman bully who only saw my size at the time and, of course, those cruel remarks became public.  It took me a bit to understand that it was who she is and not about my size.  She did not break me, it did not make me, it was not important, or the most interesting part of me.  It was just a size.  I giggled when I realize that her remarks defined the cruel, ugly, evil person she was and still is.

Your size doesn’t make you. Your size doesn’t break you. Your size won’t ever be the most important or the most interesting part about you. Your size; well, it’s just your size.  Torturing overweight people is one of the last acceptable forms of bigotry.  Those who attack overweight persons are bullies and predators, pure and simple. There is a quote that states "you don't make your light shine any brighter by blowing out someone else's light.  Maybe our bully should pay more attention to her own plate, her own filth, her dirty secrets and degradation.  There is no doubt in my  mind that people who pick on overweight people are miserable and have lives filled with rocky relationships and sadness. 

True beauty is on the inside and focuses what is on your heart.  Never let another person make you feel any less beautiful. Give yourself the power and always follow your heart.  We only know what is going on with ourselves and we should be the only ones to determine how we feel about ourselves.  Stand firm in the conviction of what is right and good, not only for others, but for ourselves because,

I ride the dark horse ..

Copyright © 2018 by CandaLeeParker, IRideTheDarkHorse.com
www.candaleewhittleparker.com

All rights reserved. This blog or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review or similar cited with author's name and copyright and only with written permission of the author.