The Fixation

Fixation is an obsessive interest in or feeling about someone or something.  We experience fixation every day by our cyber bully.  She is fixated on my life and me. 

When bullying occurs, people often place the blame on the victim.  Most of the time they falsely believe that if the victim of bullying were somehow different, then bullying wouldn't happen. Bullying is never the target's fault.  They do not need to change or be different in some way to avoid being bullies.  Change is always the bully's responsibility.

It can be true that there are some things that can help deter bullying like developing social skills and building self-esteem.  There is the harsh truth that anyone can become a victim of bullying.  There are a number of reasons why bullies target others. and I realize at this moment, none of the reason's are the victim's fault.  Our cyber publicly engages victim blaming and asserts that the victim is bullying her in some way.  Her pathology is humorous.

My woman cyber bully declares to the world that I deserve to be bullied even though she began this battle many years ago.  She has trouble empathizing with what I have experienced from her and declares her negative and annoying personality traits very well.  It is in her mindset to condone bullying and she has every reason to validate her bad behavior.

Many times people will point out what is wrong with the victim rather than recognizing that the real issue lies with the bully and her choices.  It took a court case and a judge to direct our bully that her choices were not good and she needed to take accountability for the hurt that she caused.  It was important for me to begin learning life skills that are important like resilience, perseverance, and assertiveness.  Our bully should have responsibility for her actions and abide by the court orders set in place.  She feels that she is above the authority of the law of the land.

Many people will blame the victim of physical bullying for the pain and suffering he endures because he may have done nothing to defend himself.  This type of thinking excuses the Bully's behavior.  Unfortunately, the same can happen if the victim defends himself.  I understand this dilemma because for years I did nothing to defend myself against my bully.  Only recently, I have taken a stand.  Of course, it has been met with opposition but did I think I would have anything less?   I am grateful to my bully for building in me courage, strength, and resilience against her nauseating attacks and feeble attempts to embarrass me!  The world is aware of my mistakes but it is all that she has to use against me and even still, it has no more use.  The court ruled against her and my support system found the truth about her.  She can do no more damage with exception of the death threats.  I have taken precautions and left instructions about who to question should something traumatic happen to me.

Mental illness no longer validates bad behavior.  There is no excuse for her teases and taunts.  I am not the one with the defect yet there is no minimizing what my experience has been and we are sure, will continue to be.  Take every precaution, keep log books, and records of the abuse.  In the long run, it will assistance in justice.

Copyright © 2019 By CandaLee Parker 

IRideTheDarkHorse.com

www.candaleewhittleparker.com 

All rights reserved. This blog or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review or similar cited with author's name and copyright and only with written permission of the author.

Friday Blessings

I work in a school that is in session Monday through Thursday so I have Fridays to do as I wish.  Since the weather people stated that it would be a sunny, warm day, I was up early working in our yard.  The grass is beginning to get tall.  Before Winter of last year, we had the entire (1 acre) yard thatched and fertilized.  It has done its work.  Our yard will be beautiful!  I raked up old leaves and dead branches, tilled two flower beds, tilled an area where our peppers, onions, and tomatoes are being planted and stacked more firewood from a tree that had to be taken down.  I had all of this accomplished by the afternoon and made supper for my family.

Each of us have a defined purpose.  We learn to develop and use our talents, resources, abilities and passions to held us decide what our purpose is.  We may stray a bit and make mistakes along the way but it is our journey alone.  When a mean person injects themselves in our journey, it can be frustrating!  As I read a public post written by our cyber bully, I laughed and laughed and laughed again.  Obviously, she has strayed from her journey in finding her purpose because she is too busy criticizing someone else's.

I found out this evening that my children are coming to a birthday party for me.  My ex-husband is even attending!  I have a son in the Air Force that has returned to the states for technical training near us and I am elated! I am blessed to have such a thoughtful family who cares and loves me and children who are excited to be with their mother.

With family and a purposeful life, our journey begins to make sense.  I have had real peace of mind, joy, fulfillment, and the power to succeed.  Using my assets to fulfill my destiny is the salvation to the soul, my family, my community, and to my nation.  I am grateful in hard work and perseverance to make my corner of the world comfortable, clean, and secure for those I love and care for.  These are incredible blessings to enjoy.  

Copyright © 2019 By CandaLee Parker 

IRideTheDarkHorse.com

www.candaleewhittleparker.com 

All rights reserved. This blog or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review or similar cited with author's name and copyright and only with written permission of the author.

Pride Goeth Before The Fall

It is natural for people to seek validation.  How we achieve that sense of validation differs from one person to another.  We all constantly battle with the feeling that we are not good enough and we may feel unappreciated.  I believe the feeling of insecurity that accompanies such state of mind is almost universal and may happen more when one is young.  Some people attempt to rectify that feeling of insecurity by being vocal about their accomplishments.

There is something magical about human communications.  We can vocalize our thoughts and make them tangible and part of the collective memory.  We "brag" about ourselves because we subconsciously seek to create a certain image of ourselves in the mind of the audience which aligns with our own sense of self worth.  For many of us, our accomplishments have no value unless it seems to impress our peers.  It is just an attempt to be sure to make ourselves relevant and indispensable.  This is a  basic human need.

People who think they are best (like my woman bully), live in their own delusional world and can see no one else's achievements.  She thinks that people love listening to their own agendas or they she want's to make me jealous of her and this makes her feel more confident. She will learn her lesson when she fails to undermine my achievements.  We live in two different worlds, living different kinds of lives, and working on goals that are not similar.  I work in the private sector; she chooses not work at all.  I attend college and she chooses not to.  I choose to live within my community and keep a beautiful yard and property and she chooses not to.  I choose to care for my husband for 20+ years and she chose to divorce hers and pine away for another man that will not have her.  What is there to "brag" about?  We are living in our chosen worlds and away from each other.  She is far too much of a coward to find truth in my life.

We understand her pathological need to hide her flaws in particular areas and bragging about her strengths.  She is extremely insecure in the fact that she cannot accept her own weaknesses, admit her shortcomings, resort to kindness and compassion, and understand that I work hard in my life to become more accomplished and compassionate than I was yesterday.  I understand that she needs emotional assistance.  She should try and just accept what is and move on.

I have to giggle that she thinks I am still consumed with the one man that she covets.  After I learned about who and what this man was all about and that he had been intimate with several women while intimate with her, why in the world would any woman want a man like that?  If he cheated on his wife, his mistress, and his gal friends, he could never be trusted.  My ADULT woman bully has turned this feud into a high school quarrel.  I learned my lesson with this man and his drunken lies.

My husband is the truest man that I know and despite my mistakes and shortcomings, he stands by me, defends, and most of all, loves me.  This is the greatest attribute of all. This is how our lives should begin and end.  My WOMAN ADULT bully wants my mistakes and shortcomings to define me forever.  This does not happen when a person works hard to make restitution and have a track record of moving past the mistakes.  Pride is often driven by poor self-worth and shame.  Our bully feels so badly about herself that she compensates by feeling superior and exerting control over others.  She looks for the flaws than for the good in a person in order to conceal her own.  She relishes criticizing others as a defense against recognizing her own shortcomings.  We understand her plight and pray for her daily.

This is how we begin and end our day.  We relish the tender moments and are grateful for the blessings of our own accomplishments.  We pray for our family, friends, and enemies alike. When pride substitutes for our human dignity, it disconnects us. Affirming our dignity and allowing others their dignity, we become more available to honor ourselves and connect with others as equals. Pride is a burden we don’t need. Living with dignity allows us to move more freely through life.

Copyright © 2019 By CandaLee Parker 

IRideTheDarkHorse.com

www.candaleewhittleparker.com 

All rights reserved. This blog or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review or similar cited with author's name and copyright and only with written permission of the author.

Taunts and Whimperings of a Coward

The word "taunt" means To reproach in a mocking, insulting, or contemptuous manner.  Today my woman bully (yes, an adult woman who should know better, used such words as:

"People are funny on the internet. Things they would never do in public (where they could be confronted) they do online. My STALKER doesn't drive by my house, she doesn't go to the coffee shop and say some of the crap she does online, she doesn't disguise herself (create fake profiles) to lurk around, but her STALKING online is a daily mess. Online she brags about accomplishments she has never achieved, (she is so cool that sainthood might be in her future) and when nothing else works she attacks my grammar/spelling... And I have learned from her how to spell Temple... Prison... Triple MBA... Sociopath... Pathological Liar.. Split Personality... Convict... Perjury.. Stalker... See you tomorrow"

I am very happy with the post.  Isn't it an amazing post?  Funny thing is, I do not brag about my accomplishments but my family does!  Especially, my father!  And he manages one of my businesses! I do not need to disguise myself because I am not ashamed of my past and the great efforts I have made over the past years to accomplish such.  She taunts and teases but really it is her that is the daily mess.   I have not time to lurk around because I am busy with two employments in the private sector, completing teaching certifications, and enjoying my private businesses.  I happily post photos of my incredible life on my Facebook page and she happily blocks me because she feels that if people see what I am really like, she will have to explain why she is spreading gossip and untruth.  My accomplishments are posted on my Facebook page and I have a following that has gone through and still going through the journey with me. 

You have a couple of ways to deal with this kind of person, and depending on the person, some things might work.  In the case of our coward of a bully, the items will not work because she suffers from a mental illness that does not allow her to think rationally and independently.  These could be some items that might be of some assistance to you.

Ignore them:  This will work with some people.  You ignore them, they move on, easy!  This may be a little cliche, but it can work. Sometimes.  There are some taunters that are a little harder to get rid of.  We have one and we love her!  Her army of misery is unique. 

Taunt back:  It is not nice to give someone a taste of their own medicine.  If you are confident, quick and

Labels

witty, this may keep them quiet.  Otherwise, keep the taunts to yourself.  Write truth; write happy thoughts to them.

This is the one to use most; be uninterested.  It is like ignoring people.  In order to make them lose interest, you need to lose interest first.  Make sure they know that they are saying is being heard but you could care less.  Respond with boring answers; cool, amazing, totally, good for you, cute, right on, seriously!  

 Taking the higher road can be as simple as saying a prayer for them, understanding their issues, and making it fun!  We do copy her words for court record as she has not complied with the orders of the court.  Maybe she can come with my ex-husband to our Easter Brunch since she is best friends with him!  Believe me, we have invited him!  But this is the nice thing to do with bullies; be simple and be kind!

Copyright © 2019 By CandaLee Parker 

IRideTheDarkHorse.com

www.candaleewhittleparker.com 

All rights reserved. This blog or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review or similar cited with author's name and copyright and only with written permission of the author.

The Bully We Know

Why does our bully bully?  Why does she continue in her quest of cyber bullying?  It happens for the same reason as any other type of bullying. It is appealing to her because it can be done from a distance.  She is a coward and refuses to face me one-on-one.  She wants her social fringe of notoriety and fame.  She has to convince persons of what she really is not because hurting others makes her feel all powerful and helps her cope with her low self-esteem and to fit in with persons that would otherwise not have her in their lives.  She has no empathy and respectability is a word that she can only write but not live.  Her actions are a portrayal of her hurt and illness.  We understand that she can do jo better than where she is at. She can be depressed and anxious.  She has issues with controlling her emotions, impulses, and refuses to follow rules.  She refuses to face me because hiding behind a computer screen requires less courage and provides an illusion that she will not get caught.  She is a cyber bully because she is ignorant of the consequences, she thinks her actions are normal and socially acceptable especially when she has to have others egg her on and do their dirty work for them.

In all forms, cyber-bullying combine devastating effects of in-person bullying with several added issues unique to its technical format.  These factors magnify the feelings of shame and helplessness that the victims experience as a result of any type of bullying.  It can be nearly impossible to rid the internet of offensive material that a our bully makes public.  Once in cyber space; it is there forever.  I have learned to take what she writes as a cry for help, she needs help, and we carry on because those that know us, know the truth. Her smear campaign has bcome a joke; and persons are tired of her rants.  She needs to reach a large audience because she cannot work alone.  This is a characteristic of a cyber bully; an army of misery is needed.

We have spoken to a woman who has been cyber bullied by a complete stranger and she is bewildered.  This person is only thinking that they know her and has no idea of what kind of a beautiful person that she is.  This is jealousy and envy.  Something beautiful in our new found friend triggered the insecurities and pain of a stranger.  The internet makes this possible.  Of course, it is a coward that needs the internet to contain in a journey of harassment.  Feeble-minded persons who have nothing better to do because if they did, they would be working on their own selves rather then the perception of what they think another person is.

Copyright © 2019 By CandaLee Parker 

IRideTheDarkHorse.com

www.candaleewhittleparker.com 

All rights reserved. This blog or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review or similar cited with author's name and copyright and only with written permission of the author.

When Hate Doesn't Work

Today was a beautiful Saturday filled with love, laughter, and hard work.  Spring is here!  I have starts in my garage ready for the warmth of soil and the heat of the sun.  We have had to delay planting for a while due to cold temperatures and rain.  I arise early on Saturdays and start the laundry.  Beds need sheets changed, animals need kennel blankets washed, feed bowl and water bowls are run through the dishwasher to heat and sanitize, bathrooms to be cleaned, and vacuuming.  I love the feel of a clean home!  Clean stalls, clean water buckets, and grain bins refilled.  As I settled into some bookkeeping, I was reminded by a friend that my wonderful bully friend was busy at work on the internet.

Women who project body hatred onto other women unknowingly encourage girls and woman who bully another.  I wonder what sort of example she is giving to others in her harassment and slander?  If I was her child, I would be embarrassed.

Early in puberty, girls may begin to look at one another in an acutely competitive and judgmental manner.  This is to feel a form of control over another.  The cost of this tactic is high because harsh judgment and cruelty towards another woman is inherently linked to relentless self-scrutiny and panic should one's own flaws be attacked.  This is a common tactic for my woman bully as she loves to continue in her revelation of my past mistakes and her attacks are strong through social media and other avenues.  She has gained control of my personal information such as social security numbers to acquire such and share with others.  My husband's medical bills and medical conditions have been spread to everyone she can.  She has paid for background reports yet claims poverty to pay for court fees necessitated when we have to take her into a court of law.  Her deep-seed ed need to claim victim and exaggerate fact is common and we understand her dilemma.

Thankfully, the result of abusive behavior by this type of woman falls short of suicide, even though our woman bully faked her own suicide in order to bring attention to her.  Many suffer its consequences in intense emotional pain.  The more women can stay connected with their actual experiences and less with the rigid expectation of others, the greater their empathy and compassion for other women who may be bound by these same rigid expectations.  No one deserves to be stalked and harassed because another person thinks they are superior and the expectation of ownership.  When hate doesn't work, our bully has resorted to revenge.  She cannot help herself and it will continue because she can.

There is power in being strong and keeping a positive attitude.  When I think of the blessings in my life like having my former employer call and ask me to return for the summer because I was a great asset, this is what is important.  She did not take this from me; she cannot do what I do.  There is no common ground for us because she continues to live in the past and suffer while I am promoting a beautiful and successful life.  When my sales and relationships are blooming with hard work and a tenacious spirit.  As I care for my husband and stay devoted to him, making sure his needs are taken care of during his illness, there is no comparison.  As I care for aging parents who appreciate that I am there for them and serve them as a daughter of God.  She cannot not take this from me by stupid words across her social media page that is turning others from her because they understand that she not using clear judgment and no longer care to be involved.

Hate does not work unless we allow it in to our lives.  We have a right to empowerment.  We have a right to speak and defend ourselves and others who are experiencing the same pain.  It is our right; it is my right.

Copyright © 2019 By CandaLee Parker 

IRideTheDarkHorse.com

www.candaleewhittleparker.com 

All rights reserved. This blog or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review or similar cited with author's name and copyright and only with written permission of the author.

How To Deal With Mean People

You, with your switchin' sides,
And your walk by lies and your humiliation
You, have pointed at my flaws again,
As if I don't already see them.
I walk with my head down,
Trying to block you out cause I'll never impress you ...
~ Taylor Swift

When I hear this song, I think I am emotional because it tells of a kid succeeding despite difficulty. We have a bully, an adult woman who should know better. At first, we attempted avoidance in dealing with unkindness, ignore at all costs, helping she would go away. Sometimes this strategy is neither practical or effective. Fortunately, there are better responses and there are ways of coping against the attacks of a bully. It is important to control the responses when someone does or says something mean. We may not be able to control much of our life circumstance, but, with practice, we an control how we respond to those circumstances. Even though our bully appears high-functioning to the outside world, she is unstable.  Her posts of degradation are sloppy, immature, and ugly.

Often we do not want to admit that we are hurt by another person's meanness; we want to let it go without letting it get to us. If we can do this, we are ahead! For awhile, I could. Her battle against us is relentless. We practice self-compassion; we see our bully for the wounded, tiny, and probably threatened. She is a frightened mouse masquerading as a roaring lion.

Fight the fire by sending out loving thoughts to the person or persons that hurt you. Saying a prayer for her makes us feel better and protected. After all, if she was free from her pain and agony, she would stop her harassment.  We do not need to be the doormat of her insecurities and pain.  The most effective response to meanness is compassion.  Where there is meanness, there is a lot of pain, both in the unkind person and for the person on the receiving end of the harassment.

Copyright © 2019 By CandaLee Parker 

IRideTheDarkHorse.com

www.candaleewhittleparker.com 

All rights reserved. This blog or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review or similar cited with author's name and copyright and only with written permission of the author.

Spiritual Manipulation

What is spiritual manipulation?  Spiritual manipulation is a technique used by abusive individuals to control others and acquire gain, all the while giving the impression that their teachings are based on the Bible.  Some persons, like our cyber bully, take scriptures out of context to persuade the uninformed that their interpretation is right, even to the extent that they alone have "the truth" and everyone else is wrong.  Some individuals manipulate scripture for their own personal benefit, to make themselves seem more than they are and they are righteous and approving.  I guess, obtaining a minister's license on the internet makes one a bible scholar!

Bullies who use spiritual manipulation have always been around!  They are NOT HAPPY within their own lives unless they are fighting a battle.  They tend to maneuver to get preferred placement among their peers.

Our cyber bully does not recognize herself as a bully.  Yet four banker boxes and large amounts of evidence say otherwise.  She sees herself as a necessary hero sent to save the world from me regardless of her sins and shortcomings which she does not relate to others.

Our cyber bully has a personal agenda.  Any person or entity that is contrary to her perceived ideals of truth must be eliminated.

Our cyber bully seeks to form power alliances with weaker members that will follow her and conform to her ideals.  Her forceful personality endows will and do not come against her.  You will receive the same bullying characteristics as we do.

Our cyber has an intense and emotional personality.  I am sure this is compounded with mental issues she suffers from.  Her language and rough countenance are indicative of such.

Our cyber bully loves to gather tidbits of information and shape it into her own agenda; whether it is true or not.    She seeks to get her own needs and entitlement.

Our cyber bully is allowed to bully because weaker persons will not stand up to her.  It is in the past year, she is unraveling and angry that we are standing up to her and her antics.  

When our cyber bully becomes bored or forced out of a situation, she will move to another with the same bullying mission.  She has wrecked havoc in several relationships including lovers and families.  I appreciate the response that we have received from those who have felt her wrath.  It has made us realize that we are not alone and she chooses to continue in her "church" work because she pretends she can.  We notice that she begins to use scripture when she is cornered in her words.  But I guess that is the training that an internet license gives you!

Copyright © 2019 By CandaLee Parker 

IRideTheDarkHorse.com

www.candaleewhittleparker.com 

All rights reserved. This blog or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review or similar cited with author's name and copyright and only with written permission of the author.