Not every self-centered person you know is a true narcissist. But there are trademarks of the personality disorder that you might be able to identify. “A narcissist, by definition, is someone with a pervasive pattern of grandiosity, need for admiration, and lack of empathy,” says Cory Newman, PhD, a professor of psychology at the Perelman School of Medicine at the University of Pennsylvania who has written on narcissistic personality disorder. He points out that the disorder is also one that emerges in early adulthood.

It’s difficult to say what exactly causes narcissistic personality disorder, but both genetics and upbringing likely play a role. “To quite a degree, personalities are inherited,” says Newman. “But if someone was super indulged, always told that he or she was special or better than other kids, and never given limits, that would likely contribute.” At the other end of the spectrum, some researchers think that parental neglect can also contribute to narcissism which can include parental abuse which can include physical, psychological, and sexual.

I have a narcissist who is totally fixated on me. Her every waking moment is in the pursuit of me. Remember, narcissists can be charming, charismatic, seductive, exciting, and engaging. They can also act entitled, exploitative, arrogant, aggressive, cold, competitive, selfish, obnoxious, cruel, and vindictive. You can fall in love with their charming side and be destroyed by their dark side. It can be baffling, but it all makes sense when you understand what drives them (a quote given to me by one of her “soul mates”). That awareness protects me from her games, lies, and manipulation. I love the software program that reports to me whenever my name and personal information is used. This is all coming together for another major lawsuit against her. Every click of the keyboard or screen shot or the entering of my personal information is being recorded by an agency hired by my husband and me.

Why the pursuit of me? Because she is stuck in a circle of her own despair, her own cruel and violent making. Reports from her classmates have told us that she was a crazy, misled, cruel individual. Adults in her realm report a self-centered sense of entitlement combined with her lack of empathy makes her ripe for taking advantage of people for her own benefit. Her threats, her personal self, her surroundings are ugly and cluttered. She has to dispute what she truly knows as truth because she cannot handle the reality of truth. She can’t handle that movement forward by me is a boost in her reputation of crazy.

Narcissists have an impaired or undeveloped self. They think and function differently from other people. They behave as they do because of the way their brain is wired, whether due to nature or nurture. The severity of narcissism varies. Some people have more symptoms with greater intensity, while other narcissists have fewer, milder symptoms. I understand this and I empathize with the plight and despair of what she suffers. Without empathy, narcissists can be selfish, hurtful, and cold when it doesn’t serve them to be charming or cooperative. To them relationships are transactional. Rather than respond to feelings, they’re interested in getting their needs met; sometimes, even if it means exploiting others, cheating, lying, or breaking the law. The illegal actions, and lack of payment on her judgment (though claims to be a law-abiding citizen), the searches, and the violations of a permanent injunction order will soon become public record … again. Thank you for the keystrokes and the look ups!

AND, I don’t apologize for moving life onward and away from her!