Sunday Best

When people think of stalkers, they typically think of a stranger lurking in the bushes and looking into their homes, with ill-intentions. However, in reality, the majority of us who encounter stalking behavior will be stalked by someone we know, often a former partner, a family member, a past acquaintance, and will typically be stalked because someone wants to maintain or build a relationship or seek contact, not because violence is intended. Or maybe it is. Sometimes we can't know what is in a person's mind or maybe we know! Most stalkers are not psychopaths, because stalking most often hinges on wanting to form a relationship with someone, which is in congruent with the callousness and lack of emotional capability that characterizes psychopathy. Some stalkers demonstrate narcissistic traits, such as entitlement. There is no single reason why someone stalks.

Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” “For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.” “Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. I have a family member that refuses to accept me but cannot refrain to wanting to know everything about me. The same with my stalker woman who posts negatively but does not look at the blessings she has and attempt to make her life better. I had a mother who could not say a good thing about me and even after death, her damage and cruelty continues on. I understand the difficulty in forgiving those who have blamed me for events and situations that I was never a part of. I am grateful for the strength to carry on, to grow stronger, better, more accomplished, and confident.

Yesterday was a day of enlightenment, smiles, and new beginnings. Today brings hop for healing, love, and grace. Sunday dinner with my beloved, chats and texts with loved ones, some homework, reading, and preparation for a new work week, and better today than I was yesterday. And marvelous tomorrow!

DEMONS

We had an interesting class last night.  We are speaking about mental disorders that can alter the journey of one's path.  Are they really mental illness or the attempt at being a coward? I have always wondered about the mind of the coward, though.

Here are some of my thoughts:

• Cowards are pretty consistent in their cowardice. I’ve never seen a coward doing something brave.
• If you put a courageous person next to a coward, the coward will become less scared; or more brutal!
• However, it is possible that she (the coward) is just acting brave because she is afraid of the consequences of having a braver person witnessing her cowardice.
• Short: the coward becomes braver because she’s afraid of being called out.
• Never blame a coward! It’s not her fault; or is it?!
• Never trust a coward!
• Bravery is the most inconsistent virtue of all.
• Alcohol makes people brave while a hangover can turn you into a coward.
• Once a person has committed an act of cowardice, it’s very difficult for them to change their behavior. Cowardice sticks.
• Bravery, on the other hand, doesn’t.  It is easier to bully behind a computer screen than it is to live in the real world.
• Coward is an ugly word. It isn’t helpful and should never be used on the battlefield.

Since I am in a soon-to-be legal battle with a coward, as I look through the documents that will be presented, I am seeing a pattern.  A pattern of concealing the demons; a life that has not been an easy one, and a life filled with pain and suffering. 

Mental illness or self-induced?

Sunny Days

 

There has never been more of a beautiful day than today! Do you have those kinds of days where everything falls into place? The weather is perfect, people are perfect, employment is perfect, and home is perfect. I have never been more grateful for my blessings than I am at this moment.

I had an amazing class last night. It is all about understanding our own levels of emotional immaturity. People who are emotionally immature don’t meet society's expectations for social behavior within their age range. It’s safe to assume that a grown-up will be able to consider their impact on others and pay attention to their feelings. Emotionally mature people can accept criticism and learn from it. Adults with emotional maturity can think about and plan for the future as well. People with emotional immaturity, however, struggle with these things.

Emotionally immature people lack certain emotional and social skills and have trouble relating with other adults. Some behaviors can be a signal that you’re dealing with an emotionally immature person. In general, adults don’t resort to schoolyard tactics when they relate to other adults. You seldom see two adults calling each other mean names. Someone who behaves like a mean kid in school is not using mature emotional tactics. Instead, they are relying on childlike displays of temper. An essential facet of maturity is the ability to think about other people’s needs and feelings. Immature people only appear to care about themselves. They dislike compromise and don’t want to take other people’s ideas into account. They always want to have their own way.

I guess I will have to work to understand how the emotions of another works. I can empathize but not sympathize. Creating healthy boundaries has been working as well as the assistance of professional agencies. I will not be a victim of a person who cannot handle personal issues let alone attempt to solve issues of our surroundings.

This is one of the blessings of the day! I am grateful for the opportunity to keep on learning and growing.

 

 

Entitled or Blessed?

 Have you ever met someone who seems to act like the whole world owes them? Someone who is not satisfied unless their own needs are being met. Trying to deal with someone who has acted this way can feel frustrating. In fact, in society, this type of behavior typically attracts strong criticism and condemnation. If this sounds like someone you know, you may be dealing with someone who has a sense of entitlement, defined as "an unrealistic, unmerited, or inappropriate expectation of favorable living conditions and favorable treatment at the hands of others."

I was the recipient of a strange telephone call from the area where my stalker resides. It seems she is busy and literally suing the town she lives in. She has declared everything she owns under the guise of a business and yet doesn't want to pay the business fees. She lives within the walls of the business and feels that she should be billed personal fees. Yet, she has declared herself under the business in order to not pay the judgments that she is court-ordered to pay. Yet, she is honest in declaring that she owes no monies to anyone in the State of Idaho! (And a page long rant on social media on the how's and why's and validation of such behavior!)

Entitlement! Accusing others of entitlement and yet receiving goods and services that do not have to be paid back! A skewed definition of entitlement.

A sense of entitlement is a personality trait that is based on a person’s belief that they deserve privileges or recognition for things that they did not earn. In simple terms, people experiencing this believe that the world owes them something in exchange for nothing. She has a business but lives on the government; she has a business but lives on government healthcare and food stamps. Yet, the rest of us are damned because we pay our bills, feed our families, and care for ourselves by working in the private sector and paying the taxes to which she believes should pay her bills. Interesting way of thinking!

Within this conversation, it was declared that she is absolutely a joke, and she will find a way not to pay anyone including the attorneys (I know how this goes). She was called one of the most dishonest persons that the town knows; a "filthy liar and a cheat". We understand that certain personality disorders such as narcissistic personality disorder or antisocial personality disorder may cause such symptoms. The town is beyond feeling sorry for her! When someone with a sense of entitlement doesn’t get what they want, it is not uncommon for them to lash out at others in anger or frustration. Maybe their attitude changes often, especially when things don’t go their way. The behaviors that are manifested by a person who has a sense of entitlement is usually rooted in their belief that they should be admired and respected. Although they may come across as people with a bold personality or a great sense of self-confidence, many people battle personal insecurities. Unfortunately, their attention-seeking behavior and overbearing personalities often lead to isolation from those who were once family and friends. This, in turn, can lead to further feelings of isolation and depression. We left this conversation as being the cause of her malicious behavior and dishonesty. In her reality, she doesn't have to live by the same moral compass as the rest of us but quick to pass judgment! To date, she condemns me for taking care of an invalid husband (she could not and was expelled from his home; he was afraid of her and her violence), condemns me for paying for my own health insurance and other needs, paying my own home mortgage and other necessities, and for not living on government assistance. She condemns me for having made mistakes in my life but at least I am not hated by an entire town, and I don't hide behind my business. Everyone that I own and do not own is registered in my personal name! Even the payment of my taxes to the United States Government! 3 or 10 ... this is how life really works! Hmmmm! Even former lovers keep her at arm's length!

And how do we know this?!

#candalee #candaleeparker #candaparker #parkercandalee #candidcandaspeakso #candidcandaspeaksout www.candaleeparker.me www.candaleeparkerbeingcandid.com www.candaleeparkerfamily.wordpress.com

 Not every self-centered person you know is a true narcissist. But there are trademarks of the personality disorder that you might be able to identify. “A narcissist, by definition, is someone with a pervasive pattern of grandiosity, need for admiration, and lack of empathy,” says Cory Newman, PhD, a professor of psychology at the Perelman School of Medicine at the University of Pennsylvania who has written on narcissistic personality disorder. He points out that the disorder is also one that emerges in early adulthood.

It’s difficult to say what exactly causes narcissistic personality disorder, but both genetics and upbringing likely play a role. “To quite a degree, personalities are inherited,” says Newman. “But if someone was super indulged, always told that he or she was special or better than other kids, and never given limits, that would likely contribute.” At the other end of the spectrum, some researchers think that parental neglect can also contribute to narcissism which can include parental abuse which can include physical, psychological, and sexual.

I have a narcissist who is totally fixated on me. Her every waking moment is in the pursuit of me. Remember, narcissists can be charming, charismatic, seductive, exciting, and engaging. They can also act entitled, exploitative, arrogant, aggressive, cold, competitive, selfish, obnoxious, cruel, and vindictive. You can fall in love with their charming side and be destroyed by their dark side. It can be baffling, but it all makes sense when you understand what drives them (a quote given to me by one of her “soul mates”). That awareness protects me from her games, lies, and manipulation. I love the software program that reports to me whenever my name and personal information is used. This is all coming together for another major lawsuit against her. Every click of the keyboard or screen shot or the entering of my personal information is being recorded by an agency hired by my husband and me.

Why the pursuit of me? Because she is stuck in a circle of her own despair, her own cruel and violent making. Reports from her classmates have told us that she was a crazy, misled, cruel individual. Adults in her realm report a self-centered sense of entitlement combined with her lack of empathy makes her ripe for taking advantage of people for her own benefit. Her threats, her personal self, her surroundings are ugly and cluttered. She has to dispute what she truly knows as truth because she cannot handle the reality of truth. She can’t handle that movement forward by me is a boost in her reputation of crazy.

Narcissists have an impaired or undeveloped self. They think and function differently from other people. They behave as they do because of the way their brain is wired, whether due to nature or nurture. The severity of narcissism varies. Some people have more symptoms with greater intensity, while other narcissists have fewer, milder symptoms. I understand this and I empathize with the plight and despair of what she suffers. Without empathy, narcissists can be selfish, hurtful, and cold when it doesn’t serve them to be charming or cooperative. To them relationships are transactional. Rather than respond to feelings, they’re interested in getting their needs met; sometimes, even if it means exploiting others, cheating, lying, or breaking the law. The illegal actions, and lack of payment on her judgment (though claims to be a law-abiding citizen), the searches, and the violations of a permanent injunction order will soon become public record … again. Thank you for the keystrokes and the look ups!

AND, I don’t apologize for moving life onward and away from her!

Truth Excuses

 Have you ever been around someone who "skirts around the truth"? They don't have the courage to speak or write the truth so they "skirt around the truth" and blame it on someone else. It is the person who plays the victim with the angry outburts and suffers from depression, even admits to it. Every bad thing in the world has happened to them. They are self-absorbed in a strange, negative way. Nothing is really their fault.

In one of my classes, we have been a personality construct that is termed as "Tendency for Interpersonal Victimhood" or TIV. TIV is defined as an "enduring feeling that the self is a victim across different kinds of interpersonal relationships" of which there are several core components, including:

Need for Recognition: I have an experience where a woman I know of has a high level of need for her victimization to be seen and recognized by others; social media, letters, telephone, emails, etc.

Moral Elitism: Seeing oneself as morally pure or "immaculate", and seeing those who oppose, criticize, or victimize oneself as completely immoral and unjust. The truth can be placed in front but it will be looked over and thrust away.

Lack of Empathy: In my experience with the same woman, she has little empathy or concern for the suffering of others because her victimhood is much greater than the suffering of others even at the annihilation of her own acts. This includes her dilated entitilement to act selfishly or harmfully towards others without recognizing their pain at her destruction.

Rumination: She has a tendency to brood and remain extremely fixated on times, ways, and relationships where she thinks she has experienced victimization and her fear of being taken advantage of. There is a tendency to recall the negative occurences in her life instead of the positive.

Individuals who were high in the tendency to see themselves as victims felt feelings of hurt more intensely, felt that hurt longer, and were more likely to recall that hurt at later times. They responded more strongly to negative stimuli. People who saw themselves as enduring victims were more likely to hold grudges, seek revenge, and to feel entitled to engage in immoral, destructive behaviors in order to punish others.

Truth will never be told, never be written, blame placed elsewhere, angry bantering, the innate social media posts, and the name throwing are all in an attempt to feel justified in 'truth' excuses for her actions. And life goes on ...

Setting the Story Straight

 

I had a relative of my stalker who sent me a public post written by her. I know she is referring to me and I am not embarassed in the slightest. I have developed great courage, perseverence, and faith in her actions and how I do not want to be. I am taking care of a disabled husband and work hard to care for him and our properties. I love that she inspires me to be a better person today than yesterday. Her hatefulness, her mental illness (proclaimed by her), and her fake persona is easily seen through and through.

"If you run up a bill with an attorney, and then file bankruptcy against the attorney!!!! So you don’t have to pay him/her!!!! Is he/she still your attorney? Asking for a “sister in Christ”.

Let's set the story straight; how I pay my bills is my business. She has no idea what happened to us during the time my husband was in hospice because she did not make an attempt to care for her dying husband. She did not work two and three jobs to care for him because she was too busy receiving aid from the government.

The attorney bill that she is writing about is HER'S, THE STALKER, to pay. She is court-mandated to pay the attorney bills that she is referring to as well as a judgment amount to me. NOTHING HAS BEEN PAID; attorney or me! Over $42K.

She does not know what we have paid the attorney and she claims to be a Christian who pays all of her bills; yet receives government assistance and food stamps; and tax evasion. She hids under the umbrella of a business so we cannot collect on the judgment (there are ways around this).

She could not care for her husband; she divorced him; attempted to take his assets from his family; can barely care for herself; all while having an affair with another man.

She is a coward and a fake because she cannot and will not write truth. I dare her to write that she owes our attorney and us in settlement monies for her bad behavior and personal destruction. We know her reputation and what she does to all persons besides us including memebers of her own family.

Your Sister in Christ! After all, it is Christ who does know the truth!