I Ride The Dark Horse

Saturday, December 31, 2016

Learning To Deal ..

The past few days have been surprising to say the least. What I thought was despair has come full circle to shock and anger. Both our land line and cell phones have been ringing with persons telling their stories. How grateful I am for finally taking a stand along with legal assistance.

How does one deal with a mean, jealous person that appears to have only one direction; in hurting the lives of others? Claiming perfection and sainthood yet guilty of dishonesty and theft. I am talking about a person that cannot be reasoned with and think they can do no wrong and must blame and find fault with someone else. I am talking about sarcastic, snippy, rude, chip-on-the shoulder types who enjoy putting others down and causing grave chaos in others lives while professing scripture and Christian living. These are the malicious, mean-spirited bullies, psychological and physical. They are envious of others' perseverance and successes and will do their best to undermine, destroy, and prevent someone else from succeeding. Some may be truly sadistic. Most are simply very unhappy, frustrated. and socially isolated. Today, the realization of how I am being treated is typical of how others are and were treated. I am not unique in the attack. They look for arguments, confrontation, and hostility to confirm their negative views of the world. Should we tell them off? Hit them back? Leave them alone? Recommend therapy? All of these are options. It is not easy under stress to make the best choice.

Of course, we have to begin to understand that it is them and not us. We should try, I think, to diffuse their hostility by no responding in kind. Why encourage them with negative rejoinders? Offering something else that is positive may work. Or not. Staying calm is always best. Their negativity feeds on others' emotional responses. If one can't stay calm, it is best to leave them alone. Above all do not take what they say personally. It is them.

This is all very easy to say. It is much harder to do. The problem is that turning the other cheek seems to bring out the worst in some people. Understanding the psychology of a mean person may help. The main reason they are hurting themselves and want to peck at someone else to try to feel better. It's the pecking order thing. With chickens, a hierarchical social structure is said to develop to minimize uncontrolled and random inter-chicken violence. Chickens only are to peck on those other chickens that earlier conflict has shown to be weaker. They can peck without fear of retaliation. Dominance means access to food and mates. A mean person needs an army to be fulfilled; rarely can they do the dirty work on their own. They need to feel just in their attack even though it only tells the story of a coward.

How will this story end? Right now, I do not have the answer to that. But in light of new found acquaintances and their experiences, it is putting much into perspective because ..

I ride the dark horse ..

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Friday, December 30, 2016

Do I Have The Courage To Be Honest ..

If honesty is really the best policy then why is there so much deception? And if we feel disrespected when someone isn't honest with us, then how can we justify those little white lies and carefully crafted exaggerations? If we expect other people to have the courage to be honest with us, then wouldn't anything but honesty from us be prompting a double standard? Maybe it is time to take a closer look at honesty and see if it really is the best policy.

My handsome husband told me yesterday the one that is "shouting" honesty the loudest is usually the one with the most to hide and deceive. On the surface, the concept of honesty seems simple enough. Then why is it that otherwise truthful people will justify distorting the truth in certain situations? If being honest makes life simpler, then why would anyone purposely complicate things by being dishonest? There are numerous situations that will quickly test our resolve to be completely honest. The tendency seems to start when we are children and we want to avoid punishment. Fear gets the better of us and we say something in an effort to avoid consequences of whatever it was that we did. If it works, then we just saw proof that lying is less painful and requires less courage than honesty.

What a tangled web we weave,

When first we practice to deceive!

~ Sir Walter Scott

Since moving away from pain is the strongest human motivator, we quickly fall back on dishonesty anytime we think it will spare us from painful consequences. Yes, I am guilty of this practice; all of us are. But why when we tell the truth, others believe it to be deception and continue in judgment. Is this a way we need to justify our actions? When we already know we are doing something wrong. Making excuses may soothe our logical minds temporarily, but it doesn't do anything for the internal conflict we have created. When we deliberately do something that violates our core ethics, it sets in motion a destructive emotional conflict. Some will lash out in rage and gossip; others may do so more in secret. The end result will be the slow erosion of our core values or the manifestation of some self-sabotaging behavior. Either way, we lose!

When it comes to being honest in all areas there is no one alive who doesn't have room for improvement. Set the record straight, practice honesty even in the little things, honestly emphasize the positive, don't confuse preferences with reality, and it is okay to say nothing.

Choose to always take the high road. Being honest may not always be the easiest or most convenient course and that is why courage is required. Honest is the journey to integrity. Regardless of the prevalence of dishonesty, we all have the freedom to choose to live by a higher standard. People of integrity will always recognize and appreciate your honesty and courage. There is a strong and healthy trend toward transparency and honesty. This happened to me yesterday but I am amazed that as I have chosen the higher road, truth is being revealed. I am tired of the cloak of deception that serves those with selfish interests of the few and dragging down the many. We can all do our part by setting a good example and by having the courage to be honest with ourselves and others. Life without dishonesty is totally possible because ..

I ride the dark horse ..

Thursday, December 29, 2016

A Little Chaos ..

Is there a Theory of Chaos? Is a little chaos good for us?

Chaos is the science of surprises, of the nonlinear and the unpredictable. It teaches us to expect the unexpected. While most traditional science deals with supposedly predictable phenomena like gravity, electricity, or chemical reactions, Chaos Theory deals with nonlinear things that are effectively impossible to predict or control, like turbulence, weather, the stock market, our brain states, and so on. These phenomena are often described by fractal mathematics, which captures the infinite complexity of nature. Many natural objects exhibit fractal properties, including landscapes, clouds, trees, organs, rivers etc, and many of the systems in which we live exhibit complex, chaotic behavior. Recognizing the chaotic, fractal nature of our world can give us new insight, power, and wisdom. By understanding that our ecosystems, our social systems, and our economic systems are interconnected, we can hope to avoid actions which may end up being detrimental to our long-term well-being.

So, a little chaos can be good as it can direct us in a direction that we might not otherwise take. Or in a moment of weakness, we go there. Sometimes the decisions made in the split second can be better than the pondering and wondering type of decision. Some decisions made in chaos can cause pain and misunderstanding. I want to be done with the complex, except for in my college classes. and a little clutter here and there is not a bad thing. After a stressful morning, I decided against housework and sat down to watch a movie. We watched "Sully" and became memorized with a hero. Look at the chaos that happened to him, yet in the end, a happy ending! And I left dishes in the sink and a load of laundry in the laundry basket. A bit of chaos because ..

I ride the dark horse ..

Tuesday, December 27, 2016

Happy Anniversary ..

Today is our anniversary and I have been thinking about anniversaries and the importance of marking milestones. Most couples remember the important moments in their relationship; when they met, their wedding day, the births of their children. Research shows that marking important anniversaries can actually help strengthen relationships. If a couple is having problems taking the time to celebrate together will help to spark the memories of those happy times they shared in the early days. This is what we have done over the past 5 years; it has become easier and easier to renew love and increase love.

Talking about 'the good old days' can help remind a couple why they fell in love in the first place. This helps them focus on each other's good qualities, rather than any negatives that might be affecting the relationship now. It can help them reframe the relationship and look at things more positively. So these days, I believe celebrating one's anniversary must never be overlooked as it reinforces the fact that our marriage is priority. An anniversary celebration allows me to pull back from the daily grind and relive the moment that changed my life forever. My grandmother always use to say that anyone can pull out all the stops on their wedding day, but when a couple makes it to 10 or 20 or 60 years of marriage, that deserves a celebration. Today has been 17 years for us and we are celebrating!

There is nothing like hearing my husband say, "Remember that time when ..." to put a smile on my face and remind me of all the reasons why we got together! There have been tough times, there have been tragic times, but for the most part, we have had great years! We have endured the loss of parents, the loss of a son, the loss of a grandson, and now a illness that will slowly take the life of my husband, but we are rejoicing because we begin one more year of renewed love, renewed strength and courage that will take us into the coming days. Now, there is a reason to celebrate because ..

I ride the dark horse ..

Monday, December 26, 2016

Present Over Perfect ..

Wild Geese

By Mary Oliver

You do not have to be good.

You do not have to walk on your knees

for a hundred miles through the desert repenting.

You only have to let the soft animal of your body

love what it loves.

Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.

Meanwhile the world goes on.

Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of rain

are moving across the landscapes,

over the prairies and the rivers.

Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,

are heading home again.

Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,

the world offers itself to your imagination,

calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting --

over and over announcing your place

in the family of things.

We all make mistakes and have regrets. As we try to somehow make amends, there are those who wish to make us suffer for days, years, and until death. I am present in my instinct to seek joy and set the boundaries for those who wish to destroy my peace. I am inherently good and while some of my choices may have been bad, this is not my nature. We all have the skeletons in the closet; we see that we are not alone. We can become so self-absorbed in our suffering that we lose sight of the fact that no one else is affected by our inner turmoil. We magnify these troubling thoughts way beyond their significance.

Our frames of mind are a matter of perception. We can spend all of our time weighed down by thoughts of the past and what we might have or should have done. We should open our eyes to the potential of the present and all the mundane beauty there is to be harvested by simply taking the time to let it wash over us. We are all really the same bundle of emotions and defensive stances. I need to allow myself to be authentic in all things; I do not need to be perfect, just present and allowing my good will to drive my dreams, ambitions, and service to others. What makes life interesting is that we all have something unique to offer the conglomerate of life and nature. What makes us all important is that we all belong .. We don't have to perfect; just present.

Saturday, December 24, 2016

My Christmas Blessing #20

I love our home. It is one of our most important and wonderful blessings. An early, rambling farm house with four levels, 5 bedrooms, three bathrooms and wonderful nooks and crannies, it fills our lives with love and sanctuary. Many wonderful adventures and incredible relationships happen under our roof. With my husband's illness, it has become even more important for me to make it a cheery, uplifting place for him to be. The fireplace and wood stove provides warmth and conversation. Family pictures and portraits compliment each room.

My son and his fiancé lost their cat two days ago to an incurable disease and the telephone rang asking if they could stay with us because they needed the warmth of home and family. This is one of the best compliments I could ever have. There are some, with their embittered feelings, that proclaim that I do not have such a life, but I do, and more blessed than ever!

There is nothing better than to come home to a clean, organized home complete with wonderful aromas of baking and today was a day such as that. Tomorrow our home will be filled with family and friends to enjoy our Christmas decorations and lights, gifts and chocolate, the wonderful food and conversation that comes from a day such as Christmas. We will rejoice in having one more year with my beloved husband and the excitement of embarking on new adventures in the year to come. These are the blessings that mean most and are cherished. Building the memories to last us into the forever because ..

I ride the dark horse ..

My Christmas Blessing #19

I was in a meeting today and someone defined a leader as one who provides answers and direction to a team. I understood their concept even though I disagreed with the application.

In fact, I have a different theory.

Good leaders sometimes allow a little chaos and confusion to prevail. In fact ..

It can be best for everyone.

It often provides the best discoveries.
It promotes buy in.
It fuels creativity.
It fosters teamwork.

As the team wrestles together for answers great discoveries are made; about the team and the individuals on the team. If the leader always has everything clearly defined, is always ready with an answer, then why does he or she need a team?

How true is this with life! Sometimes the answers are easy to find and apply and sometimes they seem just beyond our grasp. I have a little chaos going on in my life right now; yet I am happy with it. It is because, soon, the answer will be black and white. The chaos is just a few steps of challenge to success. How grateful I am for the wisdom and experience to understand this and I appreciate the blessings that it brings because ..

I ride the dark horse ..