Importance of SisterHood

 To be sisters implies that there is an unbreakable bond between two or more individuals. Sisters take care of each other, watch out for each other, comfort each other, and are there for each other through thick and thin defending even wrong should it need be. Sisters do not have to share genetics or biology to be sisters. The Lord has said, “I say unto you, be one; and if ye are not one ye are not mine.” The adversary would have us be critical or judgmental of one another. He wants us to concentrate on our differences and not compare ourselves to one another. We have been God-given talents, each to their own, to develop and use for good. The fact of the matter is, we really and truly need each other. Women naturally seek friendship, support, and companionship. We have so much to learn from one another, and we often let self-imposed barriers, perceived notions of negative, mistakes of others to keep us from enjoying associations which could be among the greatest blessings in our lives. I love the example we have in the first chapter of Luke which describes the sweet relationship between Mary, the mother of Jesus, and her cousin Elizabeth. Mary was a young woman when she was informed of her remarkable mission to be the mother of the Son of God. Initially it must have seemed to be a heavy responsibility to bear alone. It was the Lord Himself who provided Mary with someone to share her load. Through the message of the angel Gabriel, Mary was given the name of a trusted and sympathetic woman to whom she could turn for support; her cousin Elizabeth.

There are days when I wish I had family I could turn to but that is not to be in this life. Self-destruction can seem to be the normal among those we meet along the way. I have a woman who claims Christ but acts otherwise; the gossip, the negative, acts, the unpaid judgment, the falsehoods. And yet, I believe that she is part of the sisterhood that teaches me how to love her in a way that she can be loved; from a distance. Her lessons have made me strong, confident, and strengthed the relationships that matter most to me. She has encouraged me to succeed far past what I thought I could and I look forward to the more that I can be. That is a beautiful reflection of sisterhood!

If there are barriers, it is because we ourselves have created them. We must stop concentrating on our differences and look for what we have in common; then we can begin to realize our greatest potential and achieve the greatest good in this world. We have been blessed with tender and charitable natures which enable us to render Christlike love and service to those around us. This Christmas has given me a new perspective on what I want my new year to be; joyful, compassionate, endearing, seeking truth, and loving all women, despite how I am treated.

As we look beyond our differences in age, culture, and circumstance to nurture and serve one another, we will be filled with the pure love of Christ and the inspiration which leads us to know when and whom to serve.

Catch the Wave

 

Many people are afraid of having a snap point and hitting rock bottom. My husband and I hit "rock bottom" about 6 years ago. Everything we had worked hard for and thought we were becoming was gone! Medical bills, medical tests, doctors, doctors, doctors, me working two employments (making less than I ever have made in one employment), and Thom without work and struggling to receive the benefits that he had dutifully paid for years, was the anchor. Today, I am still the sole survivor as Thom has had medical setbacks once again. I had a stalker and family members who intentionally made my emotional life chaotic and filled with hurt. It has taken me longer than wanted in my educational goals. In some ways, I feel that we are still at rock bottom but not as deep as we once were.

That’s understandable. As human beings, our natural instinct is to protect ourselves from harm and keep ourselves safe. But staying in my comfort zone and avoiding difficult things only leads to long-term pain. Hitting rock bottom is hard. It’s confronting and it can be deeply unsettling.

But most people who hit rock bottom end up being grateful for the experience (as unpleasant as it was), because it was the catalyst, they needed for them to turn their life around and create something better than what they had before. I have learned that hitting my rock bottom and having my snap point gave me:

A strong reason to change, which will lead to long-term results that gave me clarity on what has led me to the situation I am currently in; a reality check, which helps me see where I really am and what I need to change, clarity on what I want, clarity on why I want these things, an opportunity to create the kind of life and body I really want; a reason to keep going when motivation is low or non-existent, patience to keep putting in the work required, even if I don't feel I am making progress, a commitment to the process, whatever it may involve a resilience that I previously didn’t have, a willingness to take a risk that I previously wouldn’t take, more peace about losing weight because you’re no longer driven by a deadline hope (even though my birthday next year is my final goal), because the only way from here is up.

We understand the power of a snap point and how hitting rock bottom can be what I need to make long-lasting change to my personal goals and body shape (a martial arts 20-minute workout on its way). Those who are most successful in their transformation journeys are those who have experienced the lowest of the lows. While hitting a snap point can be confronting, we know that a real, true transformation is just around the corner.

For me, I have built a battleship that dutifully and diligently plows through the waves of storm and reaches calm waters.

Cookie SisterHood

 

#LightTheWorldWithLoveAndWisdom

Each evening I have been choosing a different type of Christmas cookie! It is good practice and I love teaching myself how to use artistic techniques with the frosting, glitter, and other decorating ideas. The meaning of practice makes perfect is used to say that people become better at something if they do it often. While practice might not necessarily make your skills perfect, it certainly is still an important piece of the learning puzzle. I believe in learning how to treat others takes practice! Everyday is not the same.

I have learned in my employment that we are individual in our skill sets, our genetics, learning environments, and attitudes. Ask anyone in your workplace what treatment they most want at work. They will likely top their list with the desire to be treated with dignity and respect. You can demonstrate respect with simple, yet powerful actions. Demonstrating respect is the most important interaction that you can have dealing with the everyday people who populate your work life. AND it can even work when dealing with family members and close friends!

How grateful I am for the life lessons and education that allows me to become a better leader, an incredible person, and even good at cookie decoration!

Copyright © 2022 By CandaLee Parker 

IRideTheDarkHorse.com

candalee@candalee.com 

All rights reserved. This blog or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review or similar cited with author's name and copyright and only with written permission of the author.

Savor the Sacred Gathering

 

Don’t let the good stuff go unsaid.

Here’s why: Next year, your Thanksgiving may look completely different and there might not be as many chairs.

Loved ones get sick.

Loved ones get old.

Loved ones move away.

So, this year savor the sacred gathering. Share. Forgive, Remember. Beacause you can’t see the changes and surprises ahead.

But you have this time.

But you have these people.

But you have this day.

Say the thing your heart feels.

Say the things their heart needs.

Say the thing their heart needs.

Because Thanksgiving is here. And we’ll never have another one like it ..

Again.

@LaurenForenberry

That is a beautiful statement of what should be. It was for me. There is satisfaction in the husband, children, and home. I was able to be blessed with all three. This is my world and I am proud that I am a part of it. Yes, the neighbor across the way received Thanksgiving supper and leftovers to keep her for the week. A loved one that could not be at our table but loved nevertheless. This year, I have learned that family is not blood but those who love to be with you.

This year, I have learned gratitude. For my fortitude. For my perseverance. For my care. For truth revealed. For courage exposed. For strength displayed.

Copyright © 2022 By CandaLee Parker 

IRideTheDarkHorse.com

candalee@candalee.com 

All rights reserved. This blog or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review or similar cited with author's name and copyright and only with written permission of the author.

Savor the Sacred Gathering

 

Don’t let the good stuff go unsaid.

Here’s why: Next year, your Thanksgiving may look completely different and there might not be as many chairs.

Loved ones get sick.

Loved ones get old.

Loved ones move away.

So, this year savor the sacred gathering. Share. Forgive, Remember. Beacause you can’t see the changes and surprises ahead.

But you have this time.

But you have these people.

But you have this day.

Say the thing your heart feels.

Say the things their heart needs.

Say the thing their heart needs.

Because Thanksgiving is here. And we’ll never have another one like it ..

Again.

@LaurenForenberry

That is a beautiful statement of what should be. It was for me. There is satisfaction in the husband, children, and home. I was able to be blessed with all three. This is my world and I am proud that I am a part of it. Yes, the neighbor across the way received Thanksgiving supper and leftovers to keep her for the week. A loved one that could not be at our table but loved nevertheless. This year, I have learned that family is not blood but those who love to be with you.

This year, I have learned gratitude. For my fortitude. For my perseverance. For my care. For truth revealed. For courage exposed. For strength displayed.

Copyright © 2022 By CandaLee Parker 

IRideTheDarkHorse.com

candalee@candalee.com 

All rights reserved. This blog or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review or similar cited with author's name and copyright and only with written permission of the author.

Even the Good, the Bad, and the Annoying!

 

Difficult people are everywhere, like it or not. It’s pretty certain that at some point in your life, you’ll come across a challenging person and will have to find a way to deal with them. It would be easy to think, “Why bother?” if being around them causes you hurt and grief. But it’s not as easy as that. Sometimes we’re just forced into situations we have little control over.

Being related is one such circumstance. In fact, family members are often the hardest to deal with, because they’re connected to us in a more complicated, intimate way. With difficult acquaintances like friends, colleagues, lovers, or neighbors, you may have to deal with them for a time, either until a conflict between you is resolved, or you are able to remove yourself from the situation. With family, we are almost obligated to go the extra mile for the sake of the integrity of the family group. In other words, personal relationships may affect the family as a whole. If you don’t get along with a family member, it may very well put stress and strain on other familial relationships as well.

It has been a difficult six years for me. My husband has "escaped" death four times and there are days when it seems as if he is declining. I have felt alone, discouraged, frustrated, and wished that a family member would walk up on my porch and say, "hey, let me carry some of this load with you". Unfortunately, it has felt like we have been cursed with a plague because even my brothers who should be my spiritual leaders have been non-existent with exception of attending the wonderful birthday parties I would host. I have learned to admit that until they experience what I have with my husband, it is a mute point to understanding their reasoning and absence.

So what do you do with those people you may not like very much and may not choose to have in your life, but are forced to deal with because they’re family?

Please don't try and fix a difficult person! Accept them exactly as they are. (This applies to all difficult people, not just family.) It’s tempting to try to help someone you want to care about; you probably will make some efforts to help them. Sometimes it works, but often your efforts will not be rewarded. In fact, trying to fix someone or make their life better may become a huge headache, since the more you do for them, the more they want from you. Accept that they are unable to change, at least at this point in time. Unless you see real change and proof that this person is making an effort to listen and meet you halfway; you can assume that their behavior is what it has always been. It’s important to temper your expectations about what others can and want to do. I have wanted to declare their shortcomings and mistakes to the world but I have resolved that silence is my past revenge and continue to love them and pray for their best from a distance.

It is important to be present and direct. Know that a person who is trying to stir up conflict can easily set you off emotionally, and even physically, possibly raising your heart rate and blood pressure. Try to avoid getting into a fight-or-flight response, which inevitably leads to becoming defensive. You do not want an argument or heated discussion. Stay true to yourself, grounded in your own integrity. Be direct and assertive when you express yourself. Stay focused on how you respond. Know when the discussion or argument has accelerated to the point of no return; meaning it’s no longer about conflict resolution, but just about winning. If it gets to this point, stop the interaction, and leave the conversation.

It is important to encourage difficult people to express themselves. Let them fully state their point of view about the issue/conflict/problem without interruption. Why do they feel judged or criticized by others? What do they feel people misunderstand about them? What do they want or expect from others? The idea is to remain as neutral as possible. Just listening, rather than trying to engage, may be enough to allow someone to feel like they have the opportunity to say what’s on their mind. Showing respect for another’s differences may go a very long way. I love to send cards and other loving momentos to let them know that they are loved, appreciated, and thought of. It makes me feel good also!

Copyright © 2022 By CandaLee Parker 

IRideTheDarkHorse.com

candalee@candalee.com 

All rights reserved. This blog or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review or similar cited with author's name and copyright and only with written permission of the author.

  My husband and I watched a limited series this weekend entitled, Little Fires Everywhere. Peace and harmony may be the goal for most families, but dysfunction is common and insidious and arrives in many forms. Family quarrels, grudges, and estrangements can have lasting effects, sometimes following members into old age. When one family member contends with a problem such as mental illness or alcohol, the entire household is impacted. In a dysfunctional home, there is normally no sense of unity or empathy or boundaries, and members can be highly critical of one another. This is what happened in this series when the mother decided what was correct for all members of her family and not acknowledging that each person within the family unit is individual in thought, action, and deed.
I realize after years and years of rationalization, my mother did not love me, let alone like me. My brothers did no wrong and received her love and devotion. The reason why some mothers hate their daughters is their dissatisfaction with their own lives.

Mothers are also the women who lived in an unequal society and were forced to do things that they never wanted to. Some mothers were forced to quit their studies and get married early. As I understand the history of my mother, it has assisted in my own healing. I see brothers who married the same dynamic as my mother; gossip, lying, living for appearance, adultery, and an exaggerated state of "perfection". The brothers allow the bad behavior because of fear of having a collapsed family like the one we grew up in. Of course, they would never defend me from the wrath of their wives and for me, that is a show of character no better than the family dynamic I grew up in.

But the important question that arises here is that is it right to blame the daughters? Is it right for the mothers to reinstate the patriarchal norms in their daughters’ life? Is it the daughter who should bear the guilt of her mother’s oppression, or the patriarchal institution? Yes, it was unfair that a mother was forced to change her choices and live a life that doesn’t value her self-respect and happiness. But it is equally unfair that the daughter is being punished for the wrong that she never did. She was not even there when her mother had undergone all the tribulations because of her gender. And now when it is the daughter’s turn to fight the gender stereotypes, she is conflicted and bewildered because her mother embodies the biggest barrier in her life. If a daughter cannot expect love, support, and encouragement from her mother, will she be confident enough to step out in the world? If a daughter is oppressed, controlled, and hated by her mother, will she be able to expect equality and respect from others? Where should she even start or end her fight when patriarchy thrives at home itself?

I may not be the "perfect religious" being, I may rebel, I might stand up for the underdog, I work hard, I love hard, I love my children as the individuals they are, and I do not pretend to be "perfect" because I am not. But what I am is an important part and a dignified member of my family, even if they do not wish me to be a part of the family. So dear mothers, please don’t resent your daughters. It is right to be dissatisfied or even angry with life and people that didn’t pay heed to your choices. It is never too late to raise your voice and slam your perpetrator (and all of those who assisted her). Because injustice is wrong, even if it happened decades ago. But then you must vent out your reaction in the right direction. And pointing it towards your daughter is not right. In the fight against gender inequality, the worst thing to do is to impose on your daughter or any other woman the same restrictions and hatred that you faced as a woman. It will only encourage injustice and women’s oppression rather than opposing them.

Rather than hating your daughters, raise them into feminists who will oppose every restriction and oppression that comes their way. Be the feminist yourself who has the will to raise your voice against the wrong done today or years ago. And who is proud of her gender and doesn’t perceive it as subordinate. Even though motherhood wasn’t your choice, make it a way to raise a generation where a woman will not bear the burden of unwanted pregnancy and imposed life choices.

Copyright © 2022 By CandaLee Parker 

IRideTheDarkHorse.com

candalee@candalee.com 

All rights reserved. This blog or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review or similar cited with author's name and copyright and only with written permission of the author.