No More Circus

Over the past months, I have had serious conversations with persons who I have been close to for a long time.  Truth be told, they were tough conversations.  I have learned that even though I was told I was loved and appreciated, I was not by persons who should have had my back and who should have been true friends.  It was a ruse to use all that was known could be given and played upon my gentle and caring nature and abundance of talents that could save them the monies they needed to save for other persons thought to be more important.

I have learned that there are signs and red flags that should have gone off.  I was told by my husband that there were there but I did not believe him because I believed in what I thought to be persons of decency, honesty, loyalty, family, and friend.  I know now that they cannot tolerate exposure, rejections, humiliations, criticism, or their skeletons of the past being revealed so it has to be turned on the person that finds out their true character.  I have moved away as quietly as I can, with love, determination, and resolve that this will never happen to me again.

Be careful of those who do not feel empathy or fairness.  They will find a way to "get even" or "revenge" upon you.  I blame myself for allowing such behavior to demean my self-worth and manipulating me into what they needed from me.  It will happen no more.

I am grateful in my determination to complete new classes in making me more aware of what actually happened and I wasn't the one with the issues.  Oh, I acted like an idiot clown and I played in that horrid three-ring circus but no more.

Copyright © 2020 By CandaLee Parker 

IRideTheDarkHorse.com

www.candaleewhittleparker.com 

All rights reserved. This blog or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review or similar cited with author's name and copyright and only with written permission of the author.

Choosing to Believe in the Best

It becomes exhilarating when you find out that you just don't care about what the stories are anymore.  This is a great sense of accomplishment; a win earned.  You see, for many years now, I have survived the weaknesses and harassment of a person who is mentally ill and unable to care for herself.  I understand her mental state, her refusal to soak in fact and separate it from fiction.  I understand the lunatic rantings of a woman who is so hurt from the inside out, she cannot  understand how to solve her own pain instead of lashing out at others in hate and revenge.  I know that I am not the only one who has experienced her wrath and I am sure we will not be the last.

A person that does not seek both sides of a story is one-sided, ignorant, and selfish.  I am grateful that we have sought out truths that are essential for our healing.  I am grateful for persons that reached out to us with their experiences and challenges with "one-sidedness".   It is important to be fierce but gentle with someone who intends on causing great harm and harassment upon my family and me.  I know that the stories about me will forever be on the internet and I know longer care.  I have learned who my true loved ones are and who are the ones who have betrayed me. Their just reward will not be of this world but another.  I am grateful for a loving and devoted husband, who despite my mistakes, loves me unconditionally and sees through the farce of others who claim honesty and integrity.  My walk with harassment and an internet bully has netted blessings, adventures, and new beginnings.  This is what happens when truth slowly beings to unfold.

A person, such as my bully,  who talks about themselves as "honest, faithful, and loyal", may simply be introverted, and socially awkward, and therefore not have a lot else to talk about. They may also try to give themselves a sense of social relevance, not realizing that it is actually counter-productive.  This is okay as the sense of truth is not within themselves and cannot be expressed.  Unfortunately, as there is no progression but only staying in the rut of the past.  Talking ill about others is a sign of weakness. As you can see in most cases, people who talk about others are the ones who are in the weak position. Gossiping or talking about others in a bad way in their absence is most cases a sign that shows that the person has certain personal flaws.

Be careful in negative information that you may hear about a loved one or a friends.  Find the other side of the story.  It could be your loss and not theirs.

Copyright © 2019 By CandaLee Parker 

IRideTheDarkHorse.com

www.candaleewhittleparker.com 

All rights reserved. This blog or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review or similar cited with author's name and copyright and only with written permission of the author.

To Love Our Enemies

As I walked out the door toward the gate that would lead to my freedom, I knew if I didn't leave my bitterness and hatred behind, I'd still be in prison ..Nelson Mandela

To love our enemies does not mean that we suddenly become their friends.  If it is our enemies we are to love, they must remain enemies.  Unless you have enemies, you cannot love them.  The moment you choose your friends, their enemies become your enemies.  By having convictions, we make ourselves the enemies of those who oppose our convictions.  I received an email to my website asking how I do not hate my enemy, my bully, my stalker.  I told her that it is my adult woman enemy that has given me success, inspiration, and the desire to be better.

When we have a mutual intimacy with a friend, it is one of the greatest gifts of life.  I enjoy my close friends; some since early childhood.  Friendship allows for many degrees of closeness and takes many different forms.  With enemies, it is the complete opposite.  After all, the word enemy comes from the Latin word, inimicus, and it means simply, not friend.  Enemies are opponents in mutual opposition in matters of deep concern.  Their goals are opposed to our own highest aspirations.  Thus, out of conviction, we must actively prevent them from reaching their goals.  We can do this lovingly, or not.  We can find ourselves head-on confronted with the possibility to love of enemies.

My enemy suffers from real life issues and we take that into consideration.  Her attempt to destroy my life has not worked and my new-found courage to confront her makes her angry.  I will no longer allow her to step into my boundary that I have firmly placed around me and my family.  Her carelessness will be a downfall in the not too distant future.

Copyright © 2019 By CandaLee Parker 

IRideTheDarkHorse.com

www.candaleewhittleparker.com 

All rights reserved. This blog or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review or similar cited with author's name and copyright and only with written permission of the author.

The Fixation

Fixation is an obsessive interest in or feeling about someone or something.  We experience fixation every day by our cyber bully.  She is fixated on my life and me. 

When bullying occurs, people often place the blame on the victim.  Most of the time they falsely believe that if the victim of bullying were somehow different, then bullying wouldn't happen. Bullying is never the target's fault.  They do not need to change or be different in some way to avoid being bullies.  Change is always the bully's responsibility.

It can be true that there are some things that can help deter bullying like developing social skills and building self-esteem.  There is the harsh truth that anyone can become a victim of bullying.  There are a number of reasons why bullies target others. and I realize at this moment, none of the reason's are the victim's fault.  Our cyber publicly engages victim blaming and asserts that the victim is bullying her in some way.  Her pathology is humorous.

My woman cyber bully declares to the world that I deserve to be bullied even though she began this battle many years ago.  She has trouble empathizing with what I have experienced from her and declares her negative and annoying personality traits very well.  It is in her mindset to condone bullying and she has every reason to validate her bad behavior.

Many times people will point out what is wrong with the victim rather than recognizing that the real issue lies with the bully and her choices.  It took a court case and a judge to direct our bully that her choices were not good and she needed to take accountability for the hurt that she caused.  It was important for me to begin learning life skills that are important like resilience, perseverance, and assertiveness.  Our bully should have responsibility for her actions and abide by the court orders set in place.  She feels that she is above the authority of the law of the land.

Many people will blame the victim of physical bullying for the pain and suffering he endures because he may have done nothing to defend himself.  This type of thinking excuses the Bully's behavior.  Unfortunately, the same can happen if the victim defends himself.  I understand this dilemma because for years I did nothing to defend myself against my bully.  Only recently, I have taken a stand.  Of course, it has been met with opposition but did I think I would have anything less?   I am grateful to my bully for building in me courage, strength, and resilience against her nauseating attacks and feeble attempts to embarrass me!  The world is aware of my mistakes but it is all that she has to use against me and even still, it has no more use.  The court ruled against her and my support system found the truth about her.  She can do no more damage with exception of the death threats.  I have taken precautions and left instructions about who to question should something traumatic happen to me.

Mental illness no longer validates bad behavior.  There is no excuse for her teases and taunts.  I am not the one with the defect yet there is no minimizing what my experience has been and we are sure, will continue to be.  Take every precaution, keep log books, and records of the abuse.  In the long run, it will assistance in justice.

Copyright © 2019 By CandaLee Parker 

IRideTheDarkHorse.com

www.candaleewhittleparker.com 

All rights reserved. This blog or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review or similar cited with author's name and copyright and only with written permission of the author.

Friday Blessings

I work in a school that is in session Monday through Thursday so I have Fridays to do as I wish.  Since the weather people stated that it would be a sunny, warm day, I was up early working in our yard.  The grass is beginning to get tall.  Before Winter of last year, we had the entire (1 acre) yard thatched and fertilized.  It has done its work.  Our yard will be beautiful!  I raked up old leaves and dead branches, tilled two flower beds, tilled an area where our peppers, onions, and tomatoes are being planted and stacked more firewood from a tree that had to be taken down.  I had all of this accomplished by the afternoon and made supper for my family.

Each of us have a defined purpose.  We learn to develop and use our talents, resources, abilities and passions to held us decide what our purpose is.  We may stray a bit and make mistakes along the way but it is our journey alone.  When a mean person injects themselves in our journey, it can be frustrating!  As I read a public post written by our cyber bully, I laughed and laughed and laughed again.  Obviously, she has strayed from her journey in finding her purpose because she is too busy criticizing someone else's.

I found out this evening that my children are coming to a birthday party for me.  My ex-husband is even attending!  I have a son in the Air Force that has returned to the states for technical training near us and I am elated! I am blessed to have such a thoughtful family who cares and loves me and children who are excited to be with their mother.

With family and a purposeful life, our journey begins to make sense.  I have had real peace of mind, joy, fulfillment, and the power to succeed.  Using my assets to fulfill my destiny is the salvation to the soul, my family, my community, and to my nation.  I am grateful in hard work and perseverance to make my corner of the world comfortable, clean, and secure for those I love and care for.  These are incredible blessings to enjoy.  

Copyright © 2019 By CandaLee Parker 

IRideTheDarkHorse.com

www.candaleewhittleparker.com 

All rights reserved. This blog or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review or similar cited with author's name and copyright and only with written permission of the author.

Pride Goeth Before The Fall

It is natural for people to seek validation.  How we achieve that sense of validation differs from one person to another.  We all constantly battle with the feeling that we are not good enough and we may feel unappreciated.  I believe the feeling of insecurity that accompanies such state of mind is almost universal and may happen more when one is young.  Some people attempt to rectify that feeling of insecurity by being vocal about their accomplishments.

There is something magical about human communications.  We can vocalize our thoughts and make them tangible and part of the collective memory.  We "brag" about ourselves because we subconsciously seek to create a certain image of ourselves in the mind of the audience which aligns with our own sense of self worth.  For many of us, our accomplishments have no value unless it seems to impress our peers.  It is just an attempt to be sure to make ourselves relevant and indispensable.  This is a  basic human need.

People who think they are best (like my woman bully), live in their own delusional world and can see no one else's achievements.  She thinks that people love listening to their own agendas or they she want's to make me jealous of her and this makes her feel more confident. She will learn her lesson when she fails to undermine my achievements.  We live in two different worlds, living different kinds of lives, and working on goals that are not similar.  I work in the private sector; she chooses not work at all.  I attend college and she chooses not to.  I choose to live within my community and keep a beautiful yard and property and she chooses not to.  I choose to care for my husband for 20+ years and she chose to divorce hers and pine away for another man that will not have her.  What is there to "brag" about?  We are living in our chosen worlds and away from each other.  She is far too much of a coward to find truth in my life.

We understand her pathological need to hide her flaws in particular areas and bragging about her strengths.  She is extremely insecure in the fact that she cannot accept her own weaknesses, admit her shortcomings, resort to kindness and compassion, and understand that I work hard in my life to become more accomplished and compassionate than I was yesterday.  I understand that she needs emotional assistance.  She should try and just accept what is and move on.

I have to giggle that she thinks I am still consumed with the one man that she covets.  After I learned about who and what this man was all about and that he had been intimate with several women while intimate with her, why in the world would any woman want a man like that?  If he cheated on his wife, his mistress, and his gal friends, he could never be trusted.  My ADULT woman bully has turned this feud into a high school quarrel.  I learned my lesson with this man and his drunken lies.

My husband is the truest man that I know and despite my mistakes and shortcomings, he stands by me, defends, and most of all, loves me.  This is the greatest attribute of all. This is how our lives should begin and end.  My WOMAN ADULT bully wants my mistakes and shortcomings to define me forever.  This does not happen when a person works hard to make restitution and have a track record of moving past the mistakes.  Pride is often driven by poor self-worth and shame.  Our bully feels so badly about herself that she compensates by feeling superior and exerting control over others.  She looks for the flaws than for the good in a person in order to conceal her own.  She relishes criticizing others as a defense against recognizing her own shortcomings.  We understand her plight and pray for her daily.

This is how we begin and end our day.  We relish the tender moments and are grateful for the blessings of our own accomplishments.  We pray for our family, friends, and enemies alike. When pride substitutes for our human dignity, it disconnects us. Affirming our dignity and allowing others their dignity, we become more available to honor ourselves and connect with others as equals. Pride is a burden we don’t need. Living with dignity allows us to move more freely through life.

Copyright © 2019 By CandaLee Parker 

IRideTheDarkHorse.com

www.candaleewhittleparker.com 

All rights reserved. This blog or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review or similar cited with author's name and copyright and only with written permission of the author.

Taunts and Whimperings of a Coward

The word "taunt" means To reproach in a mocking, insulting, or contemptuous manner.  Today my woman bully (yes, an adult woman who should know better, used such words as:

"People are funny on the internet. Things they would never do in public (where they could be confronted) they do online. My STALKER doesn't drive by my house, she doesn't go to the coffee shop and say some of the crap she does online, she doesn't disguise herself (create fake profiles) to lurk around, but her STALKING online is a daily mess. Online she brags about accomplishments she has never achieved, (she is so cool that sainthood might be in her future) and when nothing else works she attacks my grammar/spelling... And I have learned from her how to spell Temple... Prison... Triple MBA... Sociopath... Pathological Liar.. Split Personality... Convict... Perjury.. Stalker... See you tomorrow"

I am very happy with the post.  Isn't it an amazing post?  Funny thing is, I do not brag about my accomplishments but my family does!  Especially, my father!  And he manages one of my businesses! I do not need to disguise myself because I am not ashamed of my past and the great efforts I have made over the past years to accomplish such.  She taunts and teases but really it is her that is the daily mess.   I have not time to lurk around because I am busy with two employments in the private sector, completing teaching certifications, and enjoying my private businesses.  I happily post photos of my incredible life on my Facebook page and she happily blocks me because she feels that if people see what I am really like, she will have to explain why she is spreading gossip and untruth.  My accomplishments are posted on my Facebook page and I have a following that has gone through and still going through the journey with me. 

You have a couple of ways to deal with this kind of person, and depending on the person, some things might work.  In the case of our coward of a bully, the items will not work because she suffers from a mental illness that does not allow her to think rationally and independently.  These could be some items that might be of some assistance to you.

Ignore them:  This will work with some people.  You ignore them, they move on, easy!  This may be a little cliche, but it can work. Sometimes.  There are some taunters that are a little harder to get rid of.  We have one and we love her!  Her army of misery is unique. 

Taunt back:  It is not nice to give someone a taste of their own medicine.  If you are confident, quick and

Labels

witty, this may keep them quiet.  Otherwise, keep the taunts to yourself.  Write truth; write happy thoughts to them.

This is the one to use most; be uninterested.  It is like ignoring people.  In order to make them lose interest, you need to lose interest first.  Make sure they know that they are saying is being heard but you could care less.  Respond with boring answers; cool, amazing, totally, good for you, cute, right on, seriously!  

 Taking the higher road can be as simple as saying a prayer for them, understanding their issues, and making it fun!  We do copy her words for court record as she has not complied with the orders of the court.  Maybe she can come with my ex-husband to our Easter Brunch since she is best friends with him!  Believe me, we have invited him!  But this is the nice thing to do with bullies; be simple and be kind!

Copyright © 2019 By CandaLee Parker 

IRideTheDarkHorse.com

www.candaleewhittleparker.com 

All rights reserved. This blog or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review or similar cited with author's name and copyright and only with written permission of the author.