The dictionary defines self-worth as “the sense of one’s own value or worth as a person.” However, there are many ways for a person to value themselves and assess their worth as a human being, and some of these are more psychologically beneficial than others.
We all have a “critical inner voice,” which acts like a cruel coach inside our heads that tells us we are worthless or undeserving of happiness. This coach is shaped from painful childhood experiences and critical attitudes we were exposed to early in life as well as feelings our parents had about themselves. While these attitudes can be hurtful, over time, they have become engrained in us. As adults, we may fail to see them as an enemy, instead accepting their destructive point of view as our own. However, we can challenge the inner critic and begin to see ourselves for who we really are, rather than taking on its negative point of view about ourselves. We can differentiate from the ways we were seen in our family of origin and begin to understand and appreciate our own feelings, thoughts, desires and values.
In practicing my own self-compassion, I acknowledge and notice my own suffering, I am kind and caring in response to my suffering, and I remember the imperfection is part of the human experience and something we all share. By taking part in activities that I feel are important, is another great way to build self-worth. Helping others, for example, offers a huge boost to my sense of self-worth (equine and music therapy). Generosity is good for me, both physically and mentally, and studies now show that volunteering has a very positive affect on how people feel about themselves. Other studies have found that religion correlates with a higher sense of self-worth in adolescents. People find meaning in many different ways; I think about the activities and interests that feel meaningful to me personally and I pursue those activities to build a more positive feeling of self-worth (horses, dogs, music, painting).
Acting on principles, in ways that I respect, is another important quality to foster as I develop a higher level of self-worth. “Make a concerted effort to maintain personal integrity in your life by insisting that your actions correspond to your words,” suggests Dr. Robert Firestone. When our actions do not match our words, we are more vulnerable to attacks from our critical inner voice and less likely to respect ourselves. I remind myself that other persons who wish to speak degradation and gossip are suffering from their own low level of self-worth. A confident person does not speak ill of others. I am so proud that I am able to move past, speak about, and write about how the influences of others brought down my self-worth. I am grateful for mentors and advocates in my classes that assist in understanding why I thought and felt the way I did.
By challenging my critical inner voice and in stopping my comparison to others or situations, I can begin to get a feeling for my own self-worth. By pursuing activities that are meaningful to me and acting in line with MY OWN PERSONAL beliefs, I can develop my sense of me as a worthwhile person in the world even further.
