I Ride The Dark Horse

Saturday, April 13, 2019

When Hate Doesn't Work

Today was a beautiful Saturday filled with love, laughter, and hard work. Spring is here! I have starts in my garage ready for the warmth of soil and the heat of the sun. We have had to delay planting for a while due to cold temperatures and rain. I arise early on Saturdays and start the laundry. Beds need sheets changed, animals need kennel blankets washed, feed bowl and water bowls are run through the dishwasher to heat and sanitize, bathrooms to be cleaned, and vacuuming. I love the feel of a clean home! Clean stalls, clean water buckets, and grain bins refilled. As I settled into some bookkeeping, I was reminded by a friend that my wonderful bully friend was busy at work on the internet.

Women who project body hatred onto other women unknowingly encourage girls and woman who bully another. I wonder what sort of example she is giving to others in her harassment and slander? If I was her child, I would be embarrassed.

Early in puberty, girls may begin to look at one another in an acutely competitive and judgmental manner. This is to feel a form of control over another. The cost of this tactic is high because harsh judgment and cruelty towards another woman is inherently linked to relentless self-scrutiny and panic should one's own flaws be attacked. This is a common tactic for my woman bully as she loves to continue in her revelation of my past mistakes and her attacks are strong through social media and other avenues. She has gained control of my personal information such as social security numbers to acquire such and share with others. My husband's medical bills and medical conditions have been spread to everyone she can. She has paid for background reports yet claims poverty to pay for court fees necessitated when we have to take her into a court of law. Her deep-seed ed need to claim victim and exaggerate fact is common and we understand her dilemma.

Thankfully, the result of abusive behavior by this type of woman falls short of suicide, even though our woman bully faked her own suicide in order to bring attention to her. Many suffer its consequences in intense emotional pain. The more women can stay connected with their actual experiences and less with the rigid expectation of others, the greater their empathy and compassion for other women who may be bound by these same rigid expectations. No one deserves to be stalked and harassed because another person thinks they are superior and the expectation of ownership. When hate doesn't work, our bully has resorted to revenge. She cannot help herself and it will continue because she can.

There is power in being strong and keeping a positive attitude. When I think of the blessings in my life like having my former employer call and ask me to return for the summer because I was a great asset, this is what is important. She did not take this from me; she cannot do what I do. There is no common ground for us because she continues to live in the past and suffer while I am promoting a beautiful and successful life. When my sales and relationships are blooming with hard work and a tenacious spirit. As I care for my husband and stay devoted to him, making sure his needs are taken care of during his illness, there is no comparison. As I care for aging parents who appreciate that I am there for them and serve them as a daughter of God. She cannot not take this from me by stupid words across her social media page that is turning others from her because they understand that she not using clear judgment and no longer care to be involved.

Hate does not work unless we allow it in to our lives. We have a right to empowerment. We have a right to speak and defend ourselves and others who are experiencing the same pain. It is our right; it is my right.

IRideTheDarkHorse.com

www.candaleewhittleparker.com

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Friday, April 12, 2019

How To Deal With Mean People

You, with your switchin' sides,
And your walk by lies and your humiliation
You, have pointed at my flaws again,
As if I don't already see them.
I walk with my head down,
Trying to block you out cause I'll never impress you ...
~ Taylor Swift

When I hear this song, I think I am emotional because it tells of a kid succeeding despite difficulty. We have a bully, an adult woman who should know better. At first, we attempted avoidance in dealing with unkindness, ignore at all costs, helping she would go away. Sometimes this strategy is neither practical or effective. Fortunately, there are better responses and there are ways of coping against the attacks of a bully. It is important to control the responses when someone does or says something mean. We may not be able to control much of our life circumstance, but, with practice, we an control how we respond to those circumstances. Even though our bully appears high-functioning to the outside world, she is unstable. Her posts of degradation are sloppy, immature, and ugly.

Often we do not want to admit that we are hurt by another person's meanness; we want to let it go without letting it get to us. If we can do this, we are ahead! For awhile, I could. Her battle against us is relentless. We practice self-compassion; we see our bully for the wounded, tiny, and probably threatened. She is a frightened mouse masquerading as a roaring lion.

Fight the fire by sending out loving thoughts to the person or persons that hurt you. Saying a prayer for her makes us feel better and protected. After all, if she was free from her pain and agony, she would stop her harassment. We do not need to be the doormat of her insecurities and pain. The most effective response to meanness is compassion. Where there is meanness, there is a lot of pain, both in the unkind person and for the person on the receiving end of the harassment.

IRideTheDarkHorse.com

www.candaleewhittleparker.com

Wednesday, April 10, 2019

Spiritual Manipulation

What is spiritual manipulation? Spiritual manipulation is a technique used by abusive individuals to control others and acquire gain, all the while giving the impression that their teachings are based on the Bible. Some persons, like our cyber bully, take scriptures out of context to persuade the uninformed that their interpretation is right, even to the extent that they alone have "the truth" and everyone else is wrong. Some individuals manipulate scripture for their own personal benefit, to make themselves seem more than they are and they are righteous and approving. I guess, obtaining a minister's license on the internet makes one a bible scholar!

Bullies who use spiritual manipulation have always been around! They are NOT HAPPY within their own lives unless they are fighting a battle. They tend to maneuver to get preferred placement among their peers.

Our cyber bully does not recognize herself as a bully. Yet four banker boxes and large amounts of evidence say otherwise. She sees herself as a necessary hero sent to save the world from me regardless of her sins and shortcomings which she does not relate to others.

Our cyber bully has a personal agenda. Any person or entity that is contrary to her perceived ideals of truth must be eliminated.

Our cyber bully seeks to form power alliances with weaker members that will follow her and conform to her ideals. Her forceful personality endows will and do not come against her. You will receive the same bullying characteristics as we do.

Our cyber has an intense and emotional personality. I am sure this is compounded with mental issues she suffers from. Her language and rough countenance are indicative of such.

Our cyber bully loves to gather tidbits of information and shape it into her own agenda; whether it is true or not. She seeks to get her own needs and entitlement.

Our cyber bully is allowed to bully because weaker persons will not stand up to her. It is in the past year, she is unraveling and angry that we are standing up to her and her antics.

When our cyber bully becomes bored or forced out of a situation, she will move to another with the same bullying mission. She has wrecked havoc in several relationships including lovers and families. I appreciate the response that we have received from those who have felt her wrath. It has made us realize that we are not alone and she chooses to continue in her "church" work because she pretends she can. We notice that she begins to use scripture when she is cornered in her words. But I guess that is the training that an internet license gives you!

IRideTheDarkHorse.com

www.candaleewhittleparker.com

Monday, April 8, 2019

Just A Chapter ..

With integrity, you have nothing to fear, since you have nothing to hide.

With integrity, you will do the right thing, so you will have no guilt.

~ Zig Ziglar

What a beautiful morning!! The sun is shining with a few gray clouds and the air is cool and crisp. My husband and I fed the animals and I was off to get ready for work. Today, I celebrate the birthday of my son who passed away in 2010. This is a bittersweet day as emotions rock from happy to sad and back to happy again. This is also an amazing day because a sweet foal was born just after midnight; a little painted boy. I will name him after Derek in some way. Blessings among the pain. This is the way life is.

Today, I am closing another chapter. You see, I have been stalked, teased, and taunted for years. This woman is suffering from delusions and pain. I prayed for her this morning as I always do because her heart is hard and revenge has consumed her. She cannot believe that I have moved forward and accomplished much despite the pain that she has chosen to inflict.

What motivates a person to be so hurtful and unkind? There are high level feelings usually called emotions that the brain creates based on past experiences and personal preferences (ones that we can be active in controlling and changing). There are low level feelings that are primal and hard-wired for survival. I have learned from college classes that psychopaths do not create high level feelings because that part of their brain is inactive. They do feel other things like pain, hunger, and activities, like breathing, that the brains uses to keep us alive. Psychopaths are not suicidal even though they may attempt to do so to create attention and self-pity.

Most of the way psychopaths behave is learned from childhood interactions. Those who are abused see the world as a dangerous place and act out violently. We understand this plight of our stalker as she claims she has been raped and abused since birth. We have to understand this as part of the trauma she uses to attack us. Whatever sins I have done are mine alone but she makes sure that she tells everyone she can. She does not like to admit her own. Typical psychopathic behavior.

I am sure we all have someone like this in our lives. It is our reaction to them that is important! Ours involved a court case which we won but we know that the abuse from her will continue. Her words in her public posts are nonsense. Typical of someone with scattered thoughts and evil intentions. We understand her to be arrogant, dishonest, and callous. She experiences little remorse, she minimizes self-blame, exploits people, and exhibits shallow affect. It is difficult for her to live in reality.

We know that we cannot escape daily interaction with our stalker because she posts publicly and talks about us excessively. We understand why she does this and why she seems to think she needs to. Toxic persons can be mentally draining. Be proactive in taking care of yourself and manage stress! I take daily hikes with my dogs or ride one of my horses in the mountains behind our property. Find a happy place!!

IRideTheDarkHorse.com

www.candaleewhittleparker.com

Sunday, April 7, 2019

The Attention Seeker

After her posts of today, I realize that she is nothing more than hot air, the attention-seeker, because s
he can no longer do the damage or emotional pain that she once did. There are a few characteristics that I have noticed in her posts; her claims of victimology, her unravelings, her mental attempt to validate bad behavior. It has been become comical in nature; her "ownership" of me.

Our adult bully's motivation is to be the center of attention. She claims that her blog hosts 450,000 followers. Exaggeration but her mindet is to be a control freak, to manipulate, a form of narcissism. Her malice level when held accountable is very high and she even attempts at feeble death threats.

We have found her to be the following:

Emotionally immature.
Selectively friendly; is sickly sweet to some people, rude and offhand to others, and ignores the rest.
She is cold and agressive towards anyone who sees them for what they areally are or exposes their strategies for gaining attention.
She can be overfriendly with a new target, especially in the initial stages of a new working relationship but don't question her intelligence.
She can become overhelpful, overgenerous.
She is manipulative of people's perceptions but in an amateur and childish manner.
She is manipulative with guilt,
Sycophantic, fawning, toadying.
Uses flattery to keep a person in authority on side.
Everything is drama, usually a poor-me drama.
Prefers to not to solve problems with own life that they can be used and re-used for gaining sympathy and attention.
Capitalizes on issues and uses them as a soapbox for gaining attention.
Exploits others' suffering and grief as a vehicle for gaining attention.
Misappropriates others' statements; we notice that is is anything which can be misconstrued as politically incorrect, for control and attention-seeking.
Makes excuses for everything.
Shows alot of indignation, especially when challenged. '
Incredibly self-pity especially in the public view.
Demanding others to be accountable but cannot be accountable for her actions.
Easily provoked.
Feigns victimhood when held accountable, usually claiming that she is the one who is being bullied and harassed.
Presents as a false victim when outwitted.
May feign exclusion, isolation or persecution.
Malicious.
Constantly tried and will do almost anything to be in the spotlight.
The focus of her life is to be the center of attention which is why she posts publicly, attempts to contact our family members, our employments, our church leaders, and strangers.

Now that we have completed our list, we understand the nature of her madness!

IRideTheDarkHorse.com

www.candaleewhittleparker.com

Saturday, March 16, 2019

No One Owns Me

No one owns me! Those who try to control other people are neither nice or respectful. Controlling people are self-centered and immature. They want to hinder you leading a fulfilling, independent life. With the easiness of hiding behind a computer screen, they want to demean and control how persons feel about you.

Our stalker/cyber bully writes in her recent post that "I OWN YOU! I have the control. I OWN YOU... I'll always be better than you." Of course, she is referring to me. Of course, she is unraveling in her words. Better than me? This is not a competition; we have two separate lives and we have different value systems. At least, I have admitted my shortcomings and making great strides to better myself; academically, professionally, and personally.

One has to examine a stalker's behavior. Her internet posts are public. There is no expectation of privacy. Believe me, no one goes out of their way to stalk her. There is nothing to stalk. She is obsolete, small, unimportant in our part of the world. We do not live in the past, we do not dwell in the past, and past mistakes are working to be taken care of. We do not care about her. We pray for her as we do others. We have examined her behavior, her moodiness, her mental illnesses that SHE wrote publicly about and still does, we know that she has a temper and uses it, she wrote about it publicly. Look at what she writes publicly; rambling, incoherent statements. How can she own me if she cannot own herself!

When we understand the behavior, we understand how to move away from the negative person. Controlling people often do not have close friends and rarely are friends with others who are more attractive, intelligent, or well-liked more than themselves. They tend to be jealous of the popular, successful people, and will criticize those held in high-regard by others. A lack of close friends may be one additional sign of their inability to tolerate others and their need to control relationships tightly. How true is this!! We know that she is sexually promiscuous and uses this ability to control men. She claims to be the victim to solicit sympathy and uses this as a control measure as well. Unfortunately, I am the person she lashes out at but it has become okay. She made fun of my weight, my counselor, and my employment. She taunted that we would never fight her in court. Her life; no way! Does she own me? No way!

Relationships and friendships are not built on who is in control. They are mutual interactions based on shared give and take and always seeking balance. Be careful who you allow to control your thoughts and actions. And (giggle turned laughter), take every day as an accomplishment and enjoy the small blessings of getting better, stronger, and brilliant!!

IRideTheDarkHorse.com

www.candaleewhittleparker.com

Friday, March 15, 2019

Keep It Simple!

I love making recipes from scratch .. Isn't this the way that we start a new day? From scratch; from the very beginning, a new chapter, a new story, the movement forward a clear path. What happens when other persons do not allow for a new day, a new way, second chances?

Adult bullies love to reveal the shortcomings and mistakes of others. It seems to make them feel superior. It can make one uncomfortable if they let it. Remember, being bullied by an adult is not like a bully in middle school slapping the books out of your hand or tripping you in the hallway. An adult bully is calculating and cruel. Our adult bully has been on her life-long journey to humiliate, embarrass, harass, victimize, and the list of words can go on. She <giggles> at the misfortune of others; not just me but those she thinks breaks the law. Little known is her struggles with law enforcement and the justice system. Karma has a way of working itself to the forefront of anyone's life!

In the past year, I have learned to never be afraid to speak your mind and not keep anything inside before exploding. I have learned so much about life this year, I can write about it. As a fellow person in the writing and blog world, I advise people to never be afraid to speak up and stand for your rights. If you see something not right, speak up! If people want to tease and taunt you about things that they do not know, speak up! If people don't know what is going on with you and they run their mouth, speak up! Life is hard battle in just the living and surviving these days. You must be strong and have a back up plan! Speaking your mind and standing up for yourself is necessary. It does not have to be done in a negative way but you can take a stand and stand up for what you believe in. After all, my stalker/cyber bully has taught me this well. By law, I am allowed the freedom of speaking out against her negative behavior and cruel acts towards me. Her issue is one-sided; she is allowed to do it to me but I am not allowed to do it to her! We have all been allowed the freedom and the voice to speak up! Nothing is wrong with speaking up, nothing is wrong with the freedom of expression as long as we do it diplomatically and in a positive way.

Keep it simple because I ride the dark horse ..

IRideTheDarkHorse.com

www.candaleewhittleparker.com